Akatsuki Orphan
by Makkura Ookami
Summary: The Akatsuki lead a pretty normal life, besides capturing Jinjūriki and taking the Bijū within. But they soon have to face a new challenge... Raising a child whom they have come to adopt.
1. Ch1 - Enter: Orphan!

**I have worked very hard on book one of this series, I wrote it when I was eleven so PLEASE bare with me I swear I improved as the chapters went on. I'd love your feedback, and I really hope you enjoy it! I've actually finished the first book, I've written it all down in notebooks, I just have to type it. I apologize deeply in advance for any mistakes. I've added several OCs to this story as well. The OCs in the chapter are: Orphan(main), Tanoshii(minor), Lettuce(minor). The characters that belong to Masashi Kishimoto respectively are in fact mostly OOC, meaning Out Of Character**

* * *

_** Enter: Orphan!**_

It was yet another day at the Akatsuki Lair and Pein decided to get away from all the madness for a while, so he took a walk.

When Pein decided it was time to go back to the lair, he hadn't noticed that he had a follower. By the time he got back to the lair, the follower was so close, it slipped through the door when Pein went inside.

Now, the Akatsuki lair doesn't look like any normal 'Bad-guy Hideout'. Each member got their own room, they had a nice kitchen and dining room and a superb living room. They also had the most awesome Akatsuki bathroom and an everything proof training realm.

Anyway, when Pein walked in, Kisame was washing the dishes, Itachi was painting his nails, Hidan was putting iodine on his wounds(again), Kakuzu was counting his money(again), Tobi was trying to get Deidara to play Hide-n-Seek with him, Sasori was messing with a puppet, and Zetsu was arguing with himself.

Konan walked over to Pein and handed him a plate with a smiley faced pancake in the middle. "What is-" Pein began. "It was Tobi's turn to choose breakfast. Konan answered. "Right." Pein said, remembering.

Deidara had finally agreed to play Hide-n-Seek with Tobi, so Tobi went off and hid. When Deidara was finished counting, the first place he looked was behind the sofa.

"Uh... Guys, there's a kid behind the sofa. Un" He informed. With that said, the kid crawled out from behind the sofa.

"Hey, she's cute!" Kisame said. The kid giggled. The girl had a little bit past shoulder length white hair, deep turquoise eyes, no shoes, tattered clothing, and dirt stains all over her face.

"Kid, where do you live? I'm taking you back to your parents." Pein said, a little annoyance in his voice.

"I don't have any." The girl said.

"Where do you live, Sweetie?" Konan asked, concerned.

"Hmm-hmm." The girl just smiled and stayed as cheerful as ever.

"So... She's an orphan. Can we keep her?" Kisame asked.

"No." Pein answered.

"Please?"

"No!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Please?"

"N-"

Konan gave Pein 'The Look'.

"Fine." Pein agreed.

The Akatsuki were now illegal guardians of Orphan(in which they named her).

Let us see how Orphan sees Akatsuki as family:

Pein - Daddy

Deidara - Mommy

Hidan - Uncle

Kakuzu - Grandpa

Konan - Grandma

Kisame - Pet

Itachi - Nii-san(meaning older brother)

Tobi - Little Brother

Zetsu - Not Yet Decided

Sasori - Sasori(big brother also).

When Orphan finished, the Akatsuki finally noticed the doll she was holding. It was a NARUTO plush doll!

A week passed and the Akatsuki were getting used to having Orphan around.

Orphan had moved into Tobi's bedroom and Deidara never had to play with them, unless it was Orphan's wish. Deidara did not enjoy being called 'Mommy' all the time.

Orphan was only five and the Akatsuki made her birthday the day they found her, which was June Twenty-seventh.(Which was actually her real birth date)

Pein decided that today was the day he and Deidara confronted Orphan about 'IT'.

"Orphan, come here!" Pein called.

Of course, Orphan obeyed Daddy's voice.

"Orphan, we are your, uh... Um *ahemn* your parents and, uh, Naruto is our greatest enemy..." Pein said, Deidara by his side.

"Uh-huh." Orphan said, clearly paying close attention, so Pein continued.

"So that means that THAT Naruto plush doll is against our regulation. So, I'm going to de-"

Orphan got tears in her eyes.

"Oh no, she's gonna cry! Hm" A look of panic and concern struck Deidara's face.

Orphan turned and ran away screaming; "Grandma! Daddy and Mommy don't love me!"

"Orphan, get back here this instant!" Pein shouted.

Orphan didn't turn back. That was the first time she disobeyed Daddy's voice.

A couple minutes later, Konan came over carrying the crying child. "You guys are horrible at parenting." She said dryly.

"We know..." Deidara and Pein said at the same time while hanging their heads.

Konan put Orphan down and she ran over to Hidan.

"Hey Orphan, time for another lesson." Hidan said.

Orphan pulled up a chair.

"First, you pray to Jashin..." Hidan said, holding his necklace to his lips.

"Then you SLICE THEM, AND SLASH THEM, STAB THEM AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!" Red juices splattered everywhere. "HAHA, SQUEEZE THEM WITH YOU BARE HANDS! SHOW THEM NO MERCY, CRIPPLE THEM LIKE NEVER BEFORE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! ... And that Orphan, is how you make home made tomato sauce." Hidan said, obviously proud of himself.

"Oooooh!" Orphan awed, fascinated.

"I'll let you in on a little secret." Hidan said, still smiling like a psychopath, "We're having PIZZA tonight."

"Yay!" Orphan shouted, though she had no idea what that was.

That night, everyone ate Hidan's pizza, but they each got to put their own toppings on.

Kisame put anchovies on his slice, Hidan put extra tomato sauce on his, Tobi(who eats in his room each mealtime) had nothing but cheese on his slice. Itachi put extra pepperoni, some sausage, and parmasean cheese on his slice, Zetsu put BACON on his, and Kakuzu ate nothing but the crust, not trusting Hidan's sauce.

Sasori said it wasn't neccesary for him to eat, but Konan crammed a slice down his throat, as to not set a bad example for Orphan. Pein had a simple slice of pizza, pepperoni and cheddar. Konan and Deidara added tiny peices of red hot chili peppers and Orphan added lettuce.

Yes, lettuce.

The next day, it was Itachi's turn to go shopping and he refused to let anyone come with him, even Orphan.

When he got to the store, dressed in casual attire of course, he grabbed two baskets.

One for needs, the other for wants. First, he went and got four boxes of cereal, two huge packs of bacon for Zetsu, Konan's ingredients for cookies, and all the other needed groceries.

Then he moved onto clothes. He got white t-shirts for everybody except Tobi, Konan, and Sasori.

He got Orphan a black night gown. He got the rest of the needs and wants of Akatsuki and went to pay.

With how smart Itachi is, he added everything and it came up to five hundred dollars. But when he checked out, the cashier rung it up seven hundred dollars.

Itachi was not amused and got into and argument with the cashier.

With all the commotion, a lady cashier came over. When she saw Itachi, she immediately fixed the problem.

Itachi paid for the items and headed for the door.

The lady cashier stopped him. "Hey, my name's Tanoshii. How about a movie, seven PM?"

"No." Itachi replied, no emotion.

"But you owe me." Tanoshii said, trying to flirt.

Itachi ignored her. He left and headed to the lair. When Itachi got back back to the lair, he had Deidara put away the groceries, Sasori agreed to set up Orphan's outside stuff.

An hour later...

Sasori had just finished setting up the hammock when he saw Orphan and Kisame come out of the lair.

Orphan was in a one-piece pink bathing-suit, and Kisame was in blue swim trunks.

Sasori started on Orphan's sandbox.

Orphan threw a fish squeaky toy into pool, but Kisame refused to fetch it.

Orphan started sniffle-hiccuping, so Kisame jumped into the pool and got the dog toy.

That went on until Sasori finished Orphan's sandbox. Then Orphan decided to play with Tobi.

Tobi had a red shirt and green shorts. He had brought out two pails and shovels, two pool noodles, and a picnic basket.

Tobi and Orphan had fun until they were hungry, but when Tobi opened the basket, all he found was a big hole.

Then, they saw the culprit, it was Zetsu.

He was sitting on top of the pool water, eating Tobi and Orphan's snack.

Zetsu was wearing jet-black swim trunks and looked like he was having a pretty good time eating the snack, until Tobi hit him with a pool noodle.

Orphan was inside making, not asking, making Deidara make new snacks.

While Deidara was making snacks, Orphan went back outside and saw Tobi whacking Zetsu with a pool noodle.

When Deidara finished the snacks, he decided to spend some time in the sun too.

He let his hair down and put his swim trunks on, which had the word BANG! on the back.

He went outside and the sight he saw nearly made him drop the snacks.

He saw Zetsu curled into a ball, while being whacked with pool noodles by Tobi and Orphan.

But, instead of helping, Deidara made his way toward Sasori, who was building a swingset.

"Here Danna. Hm" Deidara said, handing him some pineapple fruit juice and a Ziploc bag of pretzels.

"You know Deidara, it's not necessary for me to eat, right?" Sasori stated.

"Yea, I know, just thought you'd enjoy not being left out... Hm" Deidara answered.

"Hey, guys, snack time!" He called, and everyone scrambled over.

Deidara handed Kisame a cup of pineapple fruit juice and a Ziploc bag of pretzels.

"Thanks." Kisame said.

Deidara handed Tobi a cup of pineapple fruit juice and a ziplock bag of pretzels.

"Thank-you Deidara Sempai~! WHEEEEE!" Tobi shouted, a little too cheerful.

Deidara handed Orphan her juice and pretzels.

"Thank-you Mommy!" Orphan said politely.

Deidara's eye twitched twice. Then he gave Zetsu his snack.

"_Thank-you._ **...** _What are you supposed to say?!_ **Hmph.** _Say it or else!_ **Hmph, fine, thank-you!**" Zetsu and Yoropiko said and went of to eat his snack.

Don't be surprised that Orphan and Tobi started to whack Zetsu with pool noodles again when they were done.

That night...

Orphan snuck out of the room she and Tobi shared and slipped into Itachi's room.

Then she woke him up a proceeded to ramble about nonsense.

But each time Itachi put her back, she'd get out of bed and come back to his room. Finally, Itachi put a jutsu on her so that when she left the room, she'd go straight to the bathroom and back.

Itachi counted Orphan walking past his room five times before she stayed in bed.

The next day, Hidan and Kakuzu got in an argument.

"I bet you're a horrible grandpa!" Hidan said.

"No way! I teach Orphan the value of money, I teach her how to count money, I teach her math with money! I bet YOU'RE a horrible uncle!" Kakuzu replied.

"NUH-UH!" Hidan protested. "I teach Orphan the well beings of Jashin and I play with her a lot and-"

"Orphan plays with me too!" Kakuzu inturrupted.

"Well, she likes playing with me more!" Hidan declared.

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"UH-HUH!"

"Well then, let's ask Orphan! ORPHAN!"

"Yes Grandpa?" Orphan padded over.

"Orphan, pick a game. At the end of the game, pick who was better."

"Okay, I'll get Daddy!" Pein, Hidan, and Kakuzu ended up playing tea party...

At the end, Hidan asked who she liked the most.

Orphan held up her plush doll, "Naruto!" She shouted, smiling at the very shocked faces of all three men.

"Orphan, time for another lesson!" Hidan said, walking away.

Kakuzu pulled Orphan aside. "Add twenty plus twenty plus twenty plus twenty plus twenty and I'll give you the total if you disobey Hidan."

"ORPHAN!" Hidan called.

"Coming!" Orphan walked to Hidan.

"Alright, first, you pray to the Lord Jashin..." Hidan held his necklace to his lips."Then, you stab the person you hate the most, *ahemn* Kakuzu *ahemn*..."

So, Orphan took Hidan's spear and stabbed him in the foot.

Hidan was so surprised, he toppled over. When he looked up, he saw Kakuzu give Orphan money. He proceeded to cuss at him.

In the kitchen, Deidara was making himself something to eat, but he nearly dropped it when Orphan went skipping past singing about the money she had just received.

Deidara took his food into the living room and saw Hidan pouring iodine on his foot.

Deidara changed course and went to the dining room.

Konan walked up behind Hidan and heard him grumbling under his breath.

She sighed. "You know, it's your own fault Hidan."

Hidan looked up and scowled. "No it isn't, it's Kakuzu's fault!"

"No, it's your fault for trying to teach Orphan about Jashin, in which we told you NOT to do." Konan said dryly.

Hidan scowled again and went back to pouring iodine on his foot.

Just then, Orphan tugged on Konan's cloak.

"Yes Orphan, what is it?" Konan asked.

"Um... Pet's head is stuck in the potty." Orphan said.

"How'd he get it stuck?!" Hidan asked, forgetting about his foot.

"Well, Tobi was telling me about sharks and how they can breath underwater. I wanted to see Pet breath underwater, so I tricked him, then pushed his head in the potty and now it's stuck." Orphan said shamefully. "And I really need to go... I'm sorry."

Konan could see that Orphan was on the verge of crying, though she couldn't tell if it was because Orphan was sorry or she had to pee really bad.

Anyhow, Konan went to the kitchen and whipped together butter, grease, soap, and cooking oil.

The stench of it caused Deidara to almost lose his lunch.

Konan went to the bathroom and poured her mixture over Kisame's head, then waited for a few minutes. Then she pulled his hair and his head popped right out.

Apparently, he had passed out from panic. Orphan made Zetsu pick Kisame up, then pushed everyone out the bathroom, locking the door behind them.

It was finally fall and it was Konan's turn to go brought Orphan along, saying it was girl time.

Konan let Orphan walk beside her, but put a chakra line on her wrist and attached the other end to her own.

First thing she did was get necessary groceries, then moved on to clothes. Konan had no problem with going into the men's section. She and Orphan picked out sweaters, coats, and thermal underwear for everybody.

Orphan picked out snow boots and snow pants for herself.

Konan then got one of 'those'.

"Ooooh, what's that?" Orphan asked, poking it.

"Something you'll wear when you get older." Konan answered.

"Can I have one now?"

"No. And if you act up, so help me I will do something horrible to you." Konan said.

"But I want one NOW!"

Konan pulled down Orphan's pants and underwear, then spanked her five times hard with a wooden spoon.

"Did I make myself clear?" Konan asked.

Orphan nodded, pulled up her pants, and continued walking. "C-can you m-make me a p-paper flower too..?" She asked, pointing at the white paper flower in Konan's vivid blue-violet hair.

Konan pulled a piece of gold paper out of nowhere and folded it into a rose identical to her own while , she put it in Orphan's hair.

Konan and Orphan finished getting the necessary items, and a few sleds, paid for them, then headed home.

That night, it was Pein's turn to cook. He made spaghetti and meatballs, everyone got a cup of grape juice, and Pein put the last two leaves of lettuce on Orphan's plate.

When it was time for bed, Orphan took a big red marker and marked off the day. Orphan then went to bed, but only stayed asleep for three hours.

She woke up because she heard sounds downstairs. Orphan went down and found Itachi watching television.

Orphan went back upstairs and got a blanket and her Naruto plush doll. She then went back downstairs, crawled into Itachi's lap, and start to watch the television with him. Itachi didn't seem to mind.

A few minutes later, Itachi heard Orphan's soft snoring and shut off the television. He carried Orphan, who was stone cold out, to her room and put her in her bed. He put her blanket over her bed, placed her Naruto plush beside her, then went to bed himself.

It was now November and it was Hidan's turn to go shopping.

He brought Orphan along. He got gloves, hats, and scarves for everyone. Then he got the groceries. Hidan purposely avoided the vegetables, but when he went to pay, he found two heads of lettuce in the basket.

When Hidan got back to the lair, he put away the groceries and gave everyone their stuff.

"... Um... Hidan... Where's Orphan...?" Pein asked.

"Uh... Um... Heh heh, uh... I think I left her at the store..." Hidan answered shamefully.

Pein did a facepalm and Hidan went back to get Orphan.

When he got there, he saw a man approach Orphan, who was sitting on an outside bench.

"Hey there little girl, what's your name?" The man asked.

"... Why do you need to know?!"

"Hey hey, don't get all feisty with your uncle Aku now." The man said. Then he grabbed her.

"I do not like you!" Orphan shouted as she dropped her dead weight.

"Hey, come on, where are your p-"

Hidan ran over and hit the guy. "Let her go!"

The man let go instantly after another hit.

"Uncle Hidan!" Orphan hugged onto him.

Hidan picked her up.

"Tsk, foolish heathen! You should be glad I'm not sacrificing you to the Lord Jashin right now!" Hidan then took Orphan home.

The next morning, Orphan looked outside. It was snowing. She smiled and got into her snow gear, then slipped outside.

When the rest of the Akatsuki woke up, everyone panicked, looking for Orphan.

"Where the Hell is Orphan?!" Hidan shouted.

"Uh... Guys, I found her. Hm" Deidara said, pointing out a window.

When Konan saw, she tuned very pale. "Oh my God..."

Outside, Orphan was finishing the smallest of eleven snowmen.

Each snowman looked similar to an Akatsuki member. The Akatsuki ran outside to get a closer look. Pein saw how rosy Orphan's face was and also paled. "Oh my baby!" He ran over and picked her up.

Deidara walked over and Orphan gave him a stick. She sniffled, but her nose kept running. Deidara looked at the stick, confused, then shrugged it off. Everyone went back inside. Deidara made some hot chocolate while Konan made breakfast.

That night, the Akatsuki had milkshakes for dessert. Deidara turned to Kisame. "Milkshake race, one two three, go!" Deidara proceeded to to drink his milkshake in twenty seconds flat.

Everyone stared at him for a few minutes, then he fell to the floor screaming. "Ooooooooow, oooooooooooowwww! It hurts! It hurts it hurts it huuuuuurts!"

Kisame, who didn't compete, just stared at him. Soon, everyone was done and had left the dining room...

Except Deidara, who was still screaming like a maniac.

Orphan had loads of fun in Thanksgiving, but it was now two days before Christmas and everyone was shopping.

The Akatsuki let Hidan take Orphan, since he really didn't watch her, but made sure to find her after they were done.

On Christmas Eve Night, which Orphan called it, Orphan did her best to stay awake, but fell asleep after ten minutes. On Christmas morning, Orphan woke everyone up, but Pein made a rule. No presents until after dinner.

That night, Orphan ate the fastes. She scarfed down her green beans, mashed potatoes, ham, and cranberry sauce. She gulped down her eggnog and ran to the living room. When everyone got to the living room, she insisted they opened the gifts from her first.

Orphan gave Konan her gift. Konan opened it and pulled out a very beautiful paper flower. Orphan had tried to make a rose, but it came out a lily.

Itachi was next. He opened the box and pulled out a set of fingernail polish with different shades of purple.

Orphan had made Tobi a shirt that said '#1 Best Little Brother'. She had painted a picture of a shark for Kisame, and got Kakuzu a gift card.

She got Deidara a large pack of modeling clay, he could keep his art instead of blowing it up. She gave Sasori a little wooden puppet she made and gave Hidan a shirt with red paint smeared on it and words saying 'BACK OFF'.

She gave Zetsu a mint plant, and to Pein, necklaces she made.

Yea, for each Pein. All six. She didn't make or get anything for Nagato since she doesn't even know he exists.

Then, it was Orphan's turn. She received a blue harness from Hidan, a green leash from Kakuzu, an orange collar from Tobi, a few squeaky toys from Kisame, a clay figure of herself from Deidara, a book on origami from Konan, a boquet from Zetsu, a dress from Sasori, and a dinosaur plush toy from Itachi.

Pein got up and went upstairs. He came back carrying... A puppy. Orphan squealed with joy.

"Oh my gosh, thank-you Daddy! You got me a puppy! Eeeeeeee!"

"What will you name him?" Tobi asked her.

Orphan smiled. "... Lettuce."

Pein handed Lettuce to her.

A few more days passed and, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Orphan shouted at the top of her voice.

* * *

**Please note: I call the black side of Zetsu, Yoropiko. It is easier than calling him KuroZetsu or Black Zetsu. I am also addicted to writing Pain's name as 'Pein', I apologize if either of these things are annoying**


	2. Ch2 - Birthdays Everywhere!

**I have worked very hard on book one of this series. I really hope you enjoy it! I've actually finished the first book, I've written it all down in notebooks, I just have to type it. I apologize deeply in advance for any mistakes. I've added several OCs to this story as well. The OCs in the chapter are: Orphan(main),**** Koji(minor), Lettuce/Retasu(minor), Sharky(minor). ****The characters that belong to Masashi Kishimoto respectively are in fact mostly OOC, meaning Out Of Character**

* * *

**_Year Two: Birthdays Everywhere!_**

Orphan took out her big red marker and marked off the day. It was January twenty-sixth, two weeks before Tobi's had already planned out what she was going to get him.

Orphan walked to the living room and sat next to Zetsu, who was eating bacon.

When Orphan realized who she was sitting next to, she quickly got off the sofa and ran to the kitchen.

Orphan dragged a stool to a counter, climbed up it, got on the counter, and raised her fists in victory.

Then she padded over to a cupboard the read: DO NOT OPEN!

Orphan pulled on the handle and the door didn't budge.

Orphan had encountered many doors like this but she needed to hurry. Who knew who'd be coming into the kitchen?

And when?

Orphan did her special little trick and got the door open. It opened to a stash of snacks.

Lots and lots of snacks that belonged to only one person.

Orphan walked down the counter to a different cupboard and got a plate.

She went back to the Snack Stash cupboard and grabbed some chips, two cupcakes, some pretzels, and some rice cakes.

She closed the cupboard, which sealed immediately, hopped down to the floor, set her plate down, put the stool back, and walked to the fridge.

There, she got herself an apple juice juice-box and some lettuce, which she put on her plate.

Orphan bent down and opened a cabinet by the fridge and pulled out a small bag of puppy food. She poured the food into Lettuce's bowl and called him.

Lettuce padded over and started eating. He had on an Akatsuki patterned bandanna.

Orphan went back to the living room and Zetsu was still sitting on the sofa, so she sat on the couch to eat.

Orphan heard someone go into the kitchen.

"Hey, where are my cupcakes?!"

Orphan giggled and stuffed the two cupcakes she stole into her mouth, one at a time as to not choke.

Unfortunately, she stuffed them messily.

Zetsu looked at her, then held up a random mirror.

Orphan's eyes got wide when she saw the 'evidence' on her face.

She jumped up from the couch and ran upstairs to the bathroom.

But much to her dismay, Hidan was in there looking for the iodine.

"Oh, hi Uncle Hidan." Orphan said, slipping into the bathroom. "Just here to wash my face..."

"Yea yea, okay..." Hidan murmured. "Now where is that fucking iodine?!"

Orphan got her dark blue wash rag and successfully washed all the 'evidence' off her face.

Just then, Itachi entered the bathroom.

"Hey, Hidan, let me see your hands." He said.

Hidan held up his hand, which were surprisingly clean considering he'd just gotten done with a ritual.

"Okay, it's not you." "What's not me?" Hidan asked, continuing his search for the iodine.

"Well, I put a jutsu on my cupboard door so anyone who opened it that wasn't me would get a mark on their hand." Itachi explain.

Orphan panicked. She looked down at her left hand.

She SWORE she saw a mark that looked like a cupcake. Orphan immediately hid her hand behind her back.

"What about you Orphan? May I see your hands?" Itachi asked.

Orphan hesitated, then hung her head and held up her left hand.

"Okay, not you." Itachi stated.

Orphan was shocked.

"Oh, Hidan, you might be looking for this." Itachi tossed the bottle of iodine at him. "It was on the kitchen counter."

"Hey, thanks!"

Itachi left.

Orphan got out of her daze and got ready to leave the bathroom, but Hidan stopped her. He stood up.

"Hey. I forgive you for breaking into my snack stash."

He winked, and patted her on the head. Then he left as well.

Orphan stood there, not knowing what to do.

Turns out she imagined the mark on her hand out of panic and guilt.

She shrugged and left the bathroom.

Orphan went to the dining room and asked where Lettuce was.

"Sempai let him out." Tobi answered.

Everyone looked at Deidara.

"Deidara, Lettuce isn't trained to stay in the yard!" Pein yelled.

Everyone got into their lightweight jackets and went outside.

Sure enough, Lettuce was gone.

The Akatsuki searched everywhere for him, but all they found was his bandanna snagged on a bush brach and his collar in the snow.

A week later, Lettuce was still missing, and Orphan was grounded.

Even though Hidan had forgiven her, Konan grounded her for stealing, until she said otherwise.

Konan had taken Orphan into town so she could buy Tobi's present.

While they were walking, they saw a boy walking a very familiar looking puppy.

They looked closer, and yes, it was Lettuce.

"Lettuce!" Orphan exclaimed, running toward him. "Oh Lettuce, I missed you so much!" She said, hugging him tight.

"What are you talking about? I found him." The boy said, clenching the leash tighter.

"And WHERE exactly did you find him?!" Orphan snapped.

"He was-" Konan came over.

She bent down in front of the boy and pushed Orphan away from the puppy.

Orphan started to cry. She was afraid she was going to lose Lettuce forever, never to see his fuzzy face ever again...

"Little boy, may I please see the dog?"

The boy gulped and nodded.

Konan picked the puppy up and looked at his rear.

"Young man, this dog has the very same mark as the one my granddaughter lost. It isn't a coinsedence either, for I added the mark myself." Konan stated.

"O-oh... I'm sorry Ma'am... I didn't mean to take your puppy..." The boy handed Konan the leash.

As they were walking away, Orphan heard the boy say words that struck her heart as if been stabbed in the chest.

"Live a life full of hate... All you want is someone to love who'll love you back. You finally get it, but it's taken away... What's next, huh? What's next..."

Orphan actually knew what this boy was talking about, and it was heartbreaking.

She told Konan what she was going to do.

"... Are you sure, Orphan?"

"Yea... At least Pet talks..." Orphan answered.

She took the leash and walked back to the boy.

"Hey... What's your name...?"

He looked up with tears streaming down his face. "K-Koji..."

"How old are you?"

"... Five..." The boy answered.

"... Here." Orphan handed Koji Lettuce's leash. "You can keep him. You need him a lot more than I want him."

Orphan's voice was breaking.

"Th-thank-you! Um, wh-what's you're name...?"

"... Orphan..."

"Thank-you Orphan. I hope to see you again some day." Koji started to walk off, but Orphan stopped him.

"What... What are you going to name him...?" She sniffled, pointing at Lettuce.

"... Retasu." Koji answered.

Orphan gave a half laugh, tears streaming down her face.

"Bye Koji." Orphan bent down, giving Lettuce a big hug. "Bye Lettuce, I'll miss you."

Orphan stood and Koji hugged her.

"Thank-you again..." He let go and walked away Lettuce.

"Orphan, you did the right thing..." Konan said, coming up behind her. "I release you from your grounding..."

"Can we go home Grandma? I just want to go home..." She cried.

Orphan's face was beet red, her nose running, and her tears looked like rivers on her face. Konan nodded and picked her up, then headed back to the lair.

February tenth...

Orphan woke up early that day. She slipped out of the room, snuck downstairs, and took her place next to Kakuzu.

Tobi came down the stairs a few minutes later and turned on the lights.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOBI!" Everyone shouted.

Tobi was so startled, he threw kunai and shuriken in every which way direction.

Everyone skillully dodged the weapons. Everyone but Orphan, who was standing on the sofa.

A kunai was headed straight for her head.

Hidan stepped in front of Orphan. Now the kunai was headed toward Hidan's heart.

The kunai was just two feet away from Hidan when Itachi stepped in front of him and caught it with two fingers.

"Awwww, Itachi! You knew that wouldn't have killed me!" Hidan complained.

"Did you seriously want Orphan to see that?" Itachi asked dryly.

Later, after lunch, Tobi got to open his presents.

From Hidan, he got a few kunai, from Kakuzu he got thirty dollars, from Zetsu he got a bonsai tree.

From Deidara, he received a whack on the head and a clay bird. From Itachi he got a box of tea, from Konan he got a stuffed panda, from Kisame he got to really cool shirts, from Sasori he received a carved name plate for his wall.

Pein gave him a large poster. Orphan handed Tobi a large box. He opened it and squealed. Inside were some very pretty stones, and art supplies for his drawings he did.

He picked up the card and read aloud. " 'I love you Tobi, you're the bestest little brother ever.' "

Nobody could see it because of his orange spiraled mask, but Tobi smiled. "Thank-you Orphan!"

That night, Orphan layed there in the dark for a while, then started sobbing.

Tobi, hearing this, sat up quickly. "Nee-chan? Is Nee-chan okay?"

Orphan didn't answer, she just kept sobbing. Tobi couldn't see her in the dark.

"Nee-chan, why are you-" He felt his mattress depress as Orphan crawled up next to him.

"... Orphan... What's wrong...?"

"I... I-I miss him..." Orphan cried.

"You miss wh-... Oh... It's okay..." Tobi hugged Orphan tight. "It's okay Orphan..."

Eight days later, Orphan doing a handstand on her bed. "I... *huff* I can't... *huff* *huff* I can't do it Nii-san..."She panted.

"Yes you can Orphan. Just relax your muscles." Itachi replied.

"B-but... *huff* M-my arms hurt..."

"Start opening your legs."

"Please no Nii-san, no more!"

"Just do it." Itachi commanded.

Orphan tried, but she fell to her bed with a THUD.

"Well... You did a handstand for three minutes. You just have to work on the splits."

"I'll never be as good as little brother!" Orphan grumped, pointing at Tobi, who was walking around on his hands while doing the splits.

"You will Nee-chan!" Tobi piped up. "When at first you don't succeed, try, try again!" Tobi left the room.

Orphan smiled slightly, the resumed her handstand. "Nii-san, what should I get Grandma?"

"I don't really know... I don't know what she likes, I'm just getting her chocolate like I do every year."

"Hmmm..."

Two days later...

Konan went downstairs and over to Hidan, who was sitting in an armchair. She picked up a magazine a whacked him on the head.

Hidan scowled, but got the message. He got up and Konan sat down.

"Orphan, breakfast!" Pein called.

Orphan ran down the stairs, grabbed a poptart, and ran back up to room.

At lunch, Pein called Orphan again, but she didn't come down. He called again after, but she still didn't come.

"Oh well, let's start without her." Hidan said.

So they did. Konan got a lot of very nice gifts from everyone, but it isn't necessary to name them all.

Just then, Orphan came down the stairs. Once she reached the bottom of the stairwell, she got on her hands and hand-walked all the way over to Konan.

She then stood and clapped her hands. Pein's second Animal Path, Chikushodou, came over carrying a beautifully wrapped box.

She kneeled down and handed it to Konan. Konan took it and opened it.

Inside was a hand-sewn night dress with white and red felt flowers in the center shaped as an Akatsuki Cloud.

"Oh, it's beautiful!" Konan awed. "Thank-you Orphan!"

"Chiku-chan helped."

Konan smiled, "Thank-you as well, Chikushodou."

The Akatsuki had flame-broiled fish for dinner, Konan's favorite. Konan got into her new night gown and stayed up late to watch television with Hidan, Sasori, and Zetsu.

It was three days before March eighteenth and Orphan was in big trouble.

"But I didn't do it!" Orphan wailed.

"Tobi, did you draw on my puppet? Sasori asked.

Tobi put his hands up in defense, "No no, Tobi is a GOOD BOY!" Tobi answered.

"That means it was you, Orphan."

"NO, I didn't do it!"

"Then why do you have marker all over your hands?"

"I told you, I was coloring with Daddy!" Orphan bawled.

Pein came over. "What's going on?"

"Orphan drew all over my puppet."

"Uh, she was drawing with me."

"Yes, but who knows how old this is?"

Deidara came over. "What's happening? Hm"

"Orphan drew on my puppet with permanent marker."

"Dude, it's what kids do. If the pest wants to draw, give her paper or-"

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY WALL?!" Konan came storming over.

"Alright Missy, TALK!"

Orphan cried harder. "I'm sorry Grandma, I'm sorry!" She wailed.

"You are in deep trouble young lady!"

"TOBI DID IT!"

Everyone looked at Tobi.

"Tobi is sorry, Nee-chan does not have to lie. Tobi drew on the walls and on Sasori Senpai's puppet. Punish Tobi instead." Tobi hung his head in fake shame.

"Tobi, you know better! Tobi is a bad boy!"

Tobi cringed. Orphan stared at him with tears still rolling down her face. Tobi knew she had done it and took the fall for her... What a good little brother he was to her.

The next day, Orphan knocked on Sasori's door.

"Enter! ... Unless you're Deidara!"

Orphan entered. "Um... Saso- woah!" Orphan stumbled, tripping over Sasori's arm.

"Oh, hi Orphan. Do you mind handing me my arm?"

"I was wondering if I could ask a few questions?" She said, handing Sasori his arm.

"Sure Orphan, ask away."

"Why does Zetsu eat people?"

"That's his thing."

"Why is Uncle often covered in ketchup?"

"That's his thing."

"Why does Grandpa love money?"

"That's his thing."

"Why does little brother wear his mask all the time?"

"That's his thing."

"Why can Nii-san's eyes turn red?"

"It's called Sharingan."

"What?"

"That's his thing..."

"Why are Daddy's eyes spiraled?"

"It's called Ri-... That's his thing."

"Why is Pet blue?"

"That's his thing."

"Where do babies come from?"

"..." Sasori looked up from putting his arm back on. "... That's classified."

"Okay, bye Sasori." Orphan skipped out of the room.

The next day...

Orphan was pacing back and forth in the room she and Tobi shared. She had no idea what to get or make Kisame. She thought and thought and thought, then it hit her.

"Daddy!"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Call Chiku-chan please!"

"Yes dear!"

A few minutes later, Chikushodou was in the room, sitting criss-cross on Tobi's bed.

"So, you called me here today why?"

"Well, you see, I had a problem. But then I got an idea. But then, I remembered, I have another problem. To do what I was gonna do for Pet, I need skill, experience, and long fingers... And I got none of that. So you, my main help, are gonna help me... Please..."

Chikushodou smiled. She couldn't resist Orphan's five year old cutness and she'd help her do anything. "Alright, let's do this!"

That night, Orphan was NOT gonna get up to go pee at six in the morning like she usually does.

The next day, Kisame insisted on opening his presents after dinner, which was shrimp, crab, and sushi. The Akatsuki went to the living room after they were done eating.

Yes, of course Kisame got present from everyone, but I'm only naming two.

Itachi handed Kisame a medium sized box. He opened it and pulled out a new sword holder for his sword, Samehada.

"Hey, thanks Itachi! The other one was wearing out." He gave his friend a sharp toothed smile.

Orphan smiled as Chikushodou bent down and handed the large box to her.

Orphan held it up to Kisame.

He kindly took it and opened it. Inside was a handmade plush shark. It was finely detailed as a chibi type shark plush.

"I picked the design and materials, and Chiku-chan helped me make it." Orphan giggled and hugged Chikushodou.

"Wow, Orphan, Chikushodou, you guys... Are just... Fantastic!"

Both giggled and blushed.

Two weeks passed and the Akatsuki would normally be playing pranks on each other, but they weren't. Because of Orphan.

The Akatsuki went to the store while Orphan kept Hidan busy.

The next morning, Hidan got out of bed and stepped on a kunai. He grumbled some not so nice words as he pulled it out of his foot, stumbled to the bathroom, put iodine on his wound, and bandaged it up.

Hidan walked down the stairs to the dining room. Nobody seemed to remember his birthday, but what was he gonna do? Shout out 'Hello! Twenty-four year old man waiting for his birthday wishes!'? Of course not!

Hidan sat down at the table and ate his breakfast quietly, glaring at everybody. Then, he realized Orphan wasn't there and got a little excited.

But, Orphan came in carrying two cups of orange juice and sat next to Deidara, who took a cup.

Hidan scowled and started glaring again.

Later on, he didn't come down for lunch, which was absolutely fine with the other Akatsuki members. Hidan just stayed in his room, looking at pictures. Eventually, his stomach spoke loud enough for him to go downstairs to get a snack. When he did, he got a big surprise.

"SURPRISE! Happy birthday Hidan!"

Streamers and balloons were everywhere.

"Wow, you guys did this for me?" Hidan asked.

"Yea, well, it was Orphan's idea. Don't get used to it." Kakuzu said, handing him dinner, which was spare ribs covered in barbacue sauce, just how Hidan liked it.

After Hidan ate, it was present time. He received sharp pointy objects from everyone... Except Orphan.

She gave him a large pillow with Jashin's simbol embroidered in the center.

"Oh my Jashin, Orphan! This is the best gift ever, thank-you! I haven't gotten a single soft gift in the time I've been here! Everyone assumed I liked sharp things, so that's what I got."

"You DO like sharp things..." Kakuzu said dryly.

"That's besides the point Kakuzu, shut the fuck up."

"Language!"

"... Anyways, thank-you Orphan."

Four weeks and four days later...

Orphan sat on her bed and counted her money. She had one thousand dollars(wow, what every kid dreams) from randomly given money(she is so spoiled).

Orphan put her money back into her drawer, then laid her clothes out for the next day. Then she snuck into Deidara's room and picked out clothes for him. Orphan went downstairs and went to eat breakfast.

At lunchtime, Orphan went to her room and grabbed her Naruto plush. She went downstairs to Konan and handed her the doll.

"Um, Grandma? Could you fix Naruto-kun?"

Konan looked the doll over. "There's nothing wrong with it Orph-"

Orphan handed the doll's little headband to her.

"Oh." Konan tied the headband back on the doll and gave it back.

The next day, Orphan got into the clothes she picked out and skipped downstairs. She ate breakfast, then confronted Deidara.

"Mommy. There's a festival in town. Can we go, may we go, please?"

Deidara sighed. "Sure, whatever. Hm"

"Yay! I laid clothes out for you!" Orphan said happily.

Deidara got dressed then he and Orphan went to the festival.

"Two entry tickets?" A skinny man asked. "That will be twenty dollars..."

Deidara sighed and started pulling out his wallet when Orphan handed the man the money. She turned and smiled. "My treat, happy birthday Mommy!"

When Orphan and Deidara got home, Orphan only had about two hundred and fifty dollars left. Orphan's card to Deidara read: 'Happy birthday Mommy! I don't know what I'd do without you'

June ninth, Itachi had the most awesome birthday and he got a bunch of cool gifts. Now, it was Orphan's birthday.

She got a Rilakkuma bear from Sasori, a pillow with lace around it from Konan, Kunai from Hidan(which were confiscated), a pink mask from Tobi, five hundred dollars from Kakuzu(I'm officialy jealous of this kid), cute pajamas from Pein, another boquet from Zetsu, a necklace from Itachi, a telescope from Deidara, and a fish from Kisame, whom Orphan named Sharky.

"I'm finally SIX!" Orphan shouted.

* * *

**Please note: I call the black side of Zetsu, Yoropiko. It is easier than calling him KuroZetsu or Black Zetsu. ****I am also addicted to writing Pain's name as 'Pein', I apologize if either of these things are annoying**


	3. Ch3 - Summer Fun

**I have worked very hard on book one of this series. I really hope you enjoy it! I've actually finished the first book, I've written it all down in notebooks, I just have to type it. I apologize deeply in advance for any mistakes. I've added several OCs to this story as well. The OCs in the chapter are: Orphan(main), Sharky(minor), Koji(major), Lettuce/Retasu(minor). ****The characters that belong to Masashi Kishimoto respectively are in fact mostly OOC, meaning Out Of Character**

* * *

**_Summer Fun_**

It was July third and it was very hot outside. Kisame went into the kitchen to get a snack. He picked up an apple, but then saw Sharky just swimming in his fish bowl in his happy, swimmy, fishy way.

Kisame was just about to stick his hand in the bowl when a voice stopped him.

"Kisame."

Kisame turned around. Itachi was standing there peeling a banana.

"Don't eat Orphan's fish."

Kisame took his hand away from the fish bowl and glared at Sharky. He regretted getting him for Orphan.

Kisame grabbed his apple again.

Meanwhile, Orphan, Hidan, and Deidara were walking around Konoha(Seriously, I don't get it. Nobody seems to recognize that they are Akatsuki)

They walked by one house and heard people singing Happy Birthday.

"Hey guys, do you wanna crash a party?" Hidan asked.

"Happy birthday dear Neji~ Happy birthday to you~!"

Deidara shook his head. He had met Neji, and it sure wasn't pleasant. And it was highly likely that more than just his team were there. So, they kept going.

When they got back to the lair, they put the groceries where they belong and then parted ways. Hidan went to speak to Kakuzu and Deidara went to find Tobi.

Orphan went to her room and changed her outfit. Then, she went to the one room she was never supposed to enter, the one that everyone made clear was off limits...

The training realm.

Orphan closed the door behind her and looked around.

Deidara had found Tobi and was trying to blow him up while fighting Hidan, who was trying to fight Kakuzu.

"So this is where everyone is when I can't find them..." Orphan thought aloud to herself.

In the corner, Konan was reading a book.

Orphan looked at the rack beside her. It was filled with all sorts of weapons. Orphan picked up two kunai and threw them.

It wasn't a precise throw, she didn't know how to throw kunai. They both flew toward an unsuspecting Hidan.

The first one twirled and the handle hit him on the head. The second peirced him right behind the knee. He went down cussing loudly.

Deidara, Kakuzu, and Tobi looked at Orphan, who was picking up more kunai. Konan looked up from her book and stared. Then she went back to reading. Orphan threw more kunai and the others dodged them expertly.

Then, a kunai went straight through Konan's book.

Konan got up and headed for Orphan, but the door opened and Sasori pulled her out.

Sasori gave Orphan a good telling and walked away.

Konan came out of the training realm followed by Hidan, who proceeded to limp and cuss all the way to the bathroom.

Konan turned toward Orphan. Orphan knew she wasn't supposed to play with sharp things and she hurt Hidan, so she braced herself for punishment.

Konan took out her book and threw it. Orphan saw the book coming and closed her eyes, bracing for contact. But the book didn't hit Orphan in the face(Seriously, what adult would throw a book really hard at a six year old's face?), in fact, it sailed over her head and landed in the trash can behind her.

Orphan looked behind her, then at Konan.

Konan reached in her cloak, pulled out an exact copy of the book she'd just thrown away, flipped to the page she was on, and started reading again.

_Wow..._ Orphan thought. _No punishment..._

But when Konan walked past Orphan, she spanked her five times hard with a wooden spoon Orphan didn't even see her holding. Orphan just stood there, until Itachi came out of the training realm.

Orphan hadn't even seen him in there!

Itachi was followed by Deidara, Kakuzu, and Tobi, who were practiacally dragging themselves.

"That... Is the last time... I train with the Uchiha... Hm" Deidara said, limping to the bathroom.

"Uh-huuuhhh... Tobi's head hurts..." Tobi groaned.

"I'll get you the sixty bucks I owe you..." Kakuzu huffed, obviously not pleased that he lost a bet that involved money.

Orphan walked past the bathroom door and heard Deidara yelling at Hidan.

"I said share the frickin' iodine! Hm"

"NO FUCKING WAY!"

Orphan opened the door, ran in, grabbed the iodine, and ran out.

Of course, Hidan chased her while Deidara stayed behind doing a facepalm.

Hidan got Orphan cornered, but she slipped between his legs, ran to the bathroom, tossed the iodine to Deidara, and closed the door. She smiled when she heard the 'click' of the lock.

Hidan caught up, face beet red, but restrained from cussing directly in front of Orphan. The bathroom door opened and Deidara tossed out Hidan's pants. Then, he closed and locked the door again.

Hidan put his pants on immediately, 'cause nobody likes standing around in their purple boxer-shorts in front of a six year old girl.

Itachi walked by and grabbed Orphan, dragging her to the room she and Tobi shared. He shut the door.

"Orphan, tell me what you did wrong."

"Uh, I played with sharp things and hurt Uncle Hidan?"

Outside the door, Hidan heard and started cussing like a madman.

"Orphan, what shouldn't you have done so Hidan wouldn't get hurt?" Itachi asked sternly.

More cussing.

"Uh, I shouldn't have played with the sharp things that hurt Uncle Hidan?"

More cussing.

"Hidan, away from the door!" Itachi gave Orphan an 'elder brother doesn't like your answer' glare.

"I shouldn't have gone in the dangerous playroom at all..." Orphan said, hanging her head.

"Right. Now, I'm going to punish you." Itachi got up and went to a closet. He opened it, only to find shuriken, kunai, paper bombs, and other weapons.

Beneath that section were clothes, an extra mask, and some more gloves. "Wrong closet." Itachi said, closing that closet and opening the second one.

"No Nii-san! I'm sorry! Grandma already spanked me, I'm sorry! I really am!" Orphan shouted.

Itachi rumaged around Orphan's closet and put the following into a big black bag: Sori(her Rillakuma bear), Mangyeko(her dinosaur plush), her telescope, her clay, her mask, and her play headbands.

"NII-SAN!" Orphan sobbed. "NII-SAN PLEASE! I'M SORRY!"

Itachi ignored her and went to her bed. He was just about to pick up her Naruto plush when Orphan grabbed the doll and hid it behind her back.

"No... Anything but this..." Orphan sniffled.

The next day...

Sasori went downstairs and into the kitchen, but not for breakfast purposes. Itachi was at the stove cooking breakfast since it was his turn. Sasori got what he needed and went back up to his room. When breakfast was ready, Itachi called everyone. Of course, Sasori didn't come.

Before Orphan ate her breakfast of waffles with maple syrup, sausage, sunny-side up eggs, orange juice, and of course LETTUCE, she fed Sharky.

After breakfast, she went outside with Tobi to play.

For lunch, the Akatsuki had a backyard BBQ.

That night, Itachi had a weird dream. Sasuke poking him in the face saying "Nii-san Nii-san Nii-san Nii-san Nii-san..."

Strange, Sasuke sounded a lot like...

Itachi woke up and there was Orphan, poking him and repeatedly saying Nii-san.

"What, Orphan..."

"I can't sleep, I keep having bad dreams... Can I sleep with you?"

"Uh, yea, hold on..." Itachi groaned as he got up and left the room.

He went into Hidan's room and walked over to the sleeping Jashinist. Hidan was, yet again, sleeping with his 'precious' spear.

Itachi pulled back his blanket and slugged him in the arm hard. Hidan woke with a start.

"What the fuck?! Itachi?! What the Hell was that for?!"

"Do NOT get me started!" Itachi went back to his room.

Orphan was sitting on his bed hugging her Naruto plush doll. Itachi sighed and got under the blanket.

"You'll rest well tonight Orphan, okay?"

"... Okay, if you say so, Nii-san." Orphan slid under the blanket.

Itachi made sure to stay farther away from Orphan, but in the morning she was snuggled up against him and her doll was on his face.

"Ughh... Just like Sasuke..." He mumbled. He carefully got out of his bed and placed the Naruto plush by Orphan, pulling the blankets to her chin. He made sure his medicine cabinet was locked tightly, then went downstairs. He grabbed the television remote.

It was 8:30 am, so he didn't expect anyone else to be up since he was the early bird. But when he turned on the television, he heard a crash in the kitchen.

Itachi ran to the kitchen and sure enough, there was a broken fish bowl on the floor.

"Kisame, I know you're in here..." Itachi turned on the light, and shockingly, Kisame WASN'T there.

Itachi looked around for Sharky. He found him and filled a new fish bowl up with water, then placed him in it.

Several hours later, Kakuzu went downstairs to cook breakfast, since it was his turn. Itachi was playing Xbox in the living room. Everybody ate a breakfast of eggs, toast, sausage, and milk. Zetsu looked at his sausage and twitched a little, but he ate it.

Later on, Orphan sat on her bed, pouting. Itachi still hadn't given her toys back yet, so Orphan decided to have a pity party, which consisted of Tobi, Hidan, Sasori, and the Naruto plush doll.

That night, Orphan went into Itachi's room and was about to poke him in the face when she had second thoughts.

The next day, Pein woke up with a numb arm. He looked at it and saw Orphan hugging onto it like a koala hugging a tree in a storm. Pein managed to pry Orphan off his arm, then went downstairs to cook.

It was Saturday, so Itachi had slept in. Zetsu stared at his breakfast. Apple juice, pancakes, scrambled eggs, and **sausage**.

He couldn't take it anymore.

Zetsu stood up and slammed his fist on the table, getting everyone's attention, even Sharky's.

"_I can't take it anymore! I'm sick and tired of sausage!_ **We've had it for over a week!** _C'mon, doesn't anybody know how to make some good BACON around here?!_ **Anyone?!**"

"Well Zetsu, how 'bout you make it yourself?" Sasori said mockingly. '

Yoropiko scowled at him. Sasori didn't cook much, but at least he got to. Nobody let Zetsu cook, not after Yoropiko nearly burned the place dow-

"**Hey! It was both of us!**"

Hey, I'M the writer! Shut it Yoropiko! Anyways...

It was a good thing Kisame was there. Zetsu left the table and went to the fridge. He grabbed a pack of bacon and stomped up to his room.

He set the pack on his desk and opened it. He pulled out a strip and stuffed it in his mouth. He grabbed another strip and walked to a box in the corner.

_Just like beef jerky..._ Zetsu thought. _Only raw..._ Zetsu set the box on his bed, then opened his closet. "_Perfect._"

The next day, the Akatsuki had a pool party. Zetsu was in his jet black swim trunks, Kisame was in dark blue swim trunks, Pein was in white swim trunks, Hidan was in purple swim trunks, blah blah blah, does this matter?

At least the girls too... Orphan was in a one piece frilly jet-black bathing suit and Konan was wearing a light purple bikini, but since Pein, Kisame, and Kakuzu kept staring at her, she went back inside and changed to a one piece dark blue bathing suit with purple designs.

Zetsu grabbed the hose and started watering the flowers, occasionally watering himself when he was sure no one was looki-

"**Not true!**"

Again, who's the writer?

"Hey, Zetsu-san, who're you yelling at?" Tobi asked.

"**... No one...**"

Sasori just sat on a swing while Deidara kept racing Itachi in the pool. He lost each time. Orphan was at the edge of the pool talking to Tobi, unaware that something was running toward her.

It ran into Orphan, knocking her into the pool. Hidan looked up from grilling hotdogs and burgers.

"Shoo dog! Shoo!" Deidara splashed water on the dog.

Orphan resurfaced and saw the dog. It was white with black paws and the tip of it's tail was black.

"L-Lettuce?!" Orphan stammered.

Just then, Koji ran up holding a leash attached to a collar. He was panting heavily.

"I'm... I'm sorry... I guess he *huff* smelled Orphan..."

"That's okay. Wow, he's gotten BIG!" Orphan said, getting out of the pool. "Maybe if Daddy says yes, you can join our pool party!"

Orphan went to Pein and asked if Koji could join. Pein had a look of annoyance on his face, but he said yes.

Koji pulled off his shirt and put it in his backpack. He started to unbuckle his belt.

Sasori walked over to him. "What are you doing? You're not allowed to skinny dip."

Koji continued to take off his pants.

"Well, I was taking Retasu to the beach, so I already have swim trunks on." Koji put his pants in his backpack and sure enough, he had light green swim trunks on.(Now, I'm wondering how that boy got out of the damn village. What the Hell? The Leaf has some explaining to do.)

"Hey, Orphan, are you going to introduce me?"

"Uh-huh. Everybody, this is the boy I gave Lettuce to, his name is Koji!"

"Hello Koji." Everyone said.

"Koji, that's my uncle, that's Zetsu, that's my grandpa, that's my daddy, that's my-"

"Your mom. I've met her, remember?"

"No, that's my grandma. THAT'S my mommy."

"Oh... Hey, wait, your mom is a-" Itachi clamped his hand over Koji's mouth. "And there is NOTHING wrong with that..." Itachi hissed.

"That's Nii-san, that's my little brother Tobi, that's my pet, and that's Sasori." Orphan said enthusiastically as Itachi let Koji go.

"You have one confusing family..." Koji muttered.

"Hey, Koji, do you want a hotdog or a burger?" Hidan called.

"Whichever tastes the yummiest."

"Wait, you don't know what a hotdog tastes like?"

"Nope."

"Or a burger?"

"Uh, no."

"And you're six?!"

"Yeeaaa..."

"Dude, I'm making you both!" Hidan put and extra hotdog and hamburger on the grill.

"Oh, I almost forgot! I have some stuff for you." Orphan said, the ran inside. She came back out with a box and handed it to Koji.

He opened it and inside was Lettuce's old stuff. "Thanks Orphan. What about the one you're holding?"

"Oh, this?" Orphan asked, holding up the one and only squeaky fish. "No, this is Pet's toy, not Lettu- uh, I mean, Retasu's."

"It's okay to call him Lettuce because you owned him first and that's what you named him. Also, that's what his name means." Koji smiled.

Orphan smiled back and pet Retasu's head.

"You know how to do a cannonball?" Koji asked.

"A what?"

"I'll show you, follow me." Orphan followed Koji to the diving board.

"Okay, what you do is jump, pull your legs up to your chest and shout CANNONBALL!"

Koji jumped into the pool.

"Food is ready!" Hidan called.

Orphan and Koji went last at fixing there plates. Orphan put a hamburger on a bun and put it on her plate. Koji did the same with his food. Orphan then dragged Koji to a different table and put cheese, ketchup, mustard, and lettuce on her burger. Koji put ketchup, mustard, and relesh on his hotdog and did the same to his burger as Orphan did to hers.

Orphan grabbed some chips and opened the cooler. She was about to grab a soda, but looked at Itachi. He was giving her an 'elder brother doesn't like your choice' glare. Orphan closed the cooler and opened a different one. She grabbed a juicebox and looked back at Itachi. He was talking to Hidan and Kisame.

Orphan looked at the soda cooler, then back at Itachi, who was still talking. Orphan touched the cooler and looked at Itachi. He wasn't even looking. Orphan opened it and looked back.

Itachi was giving her a 'close that cooler before Nii-san has to come over and knock some sense into you, don't touch it again or your butt will know the meaning of pain' glare.

Orphan closed the cooler and looked back at Itachi, who had continued talking.

By now, Koji had already gotten the rest of his food and a drink and was now talking to Tobi.

Orphan decided this 'game' was pretty fun and opened the cooler again. She looked up to see Itachi's glare, but a pair of red swim trunks were blocking her view. Orphan closed the cooler and slowly looked up.

"Nii-san doesn't like your attitude. Nii-san disapproves."

And, well, let's just say Orphan's butt now knows the meaning of pain.

Orphan walked over to Koji and Tobi. Koji just stared at her, but Tobi had seen the red on Orphan's face before.

"Oooooh, Nee-chan got in trouble! In front of her friend!"

"Grrrrr! Hmph!" Orphan growled, rolling her eyes.

"My, what an attitude." Itachi said, walking by.

"I'm sorry Nii-san!"

Itachi looked at Orphan.

"I'm sorry Tobi."

Itachi crossed his arms.

"I'm sorry Koji..."

"That's better." Itachi said, then proceeded toward the pool.

"Hey guys, I have cookies!" Hidan called. "Orphan, come hand these out!"

"Hey, Koji, wanna come? I could introduce you properly."

"Sure."

Orphan and Koji got the plate of cookies and walked over to Kakuzu.

"One for you." Orphan said, handing Kakuzu a cookie. "Koji, this is my grandpa Kakuzu, he's ninety-one! Grandpa, this is Koji."

"H-hi Mister K-Kakuzu..."

"Hi."

"ONWARD!" Orphan dragged Koji over to Kisame. "Pet, sit."

"I already am, Orphan..."

"Good boy!" Orphan gave Kisame a cookie. "Koji, this is my pet shark, Kisame. Pet knows a lot of tricks, but I never tell him to play dead... He takes his role too seriously... Pet, ths is Koji. Shake."

Kisame shook Koji's hand.

Koji shivered. "N-nice to meet you, sir..."

"Mhm."

"ONWARD!" Orphan pulled Koji over to Konan. "This is my grandma Konan!" Orphan handed Konan a cookie. "Grandma, you already know Koji."

Koji looked at Konan, then Kakuzu, then back at Konan. "H-how old are y-you?"

"That's rude, little boy... But, since you are wondering, thirty-six."

"Eh?!"

"I'm not married to that old greedy man though."

"S-sorry, nice to see you again Ma'am..."

"ONWARD!" Orphan dragged Koji over to Deidara. "Here Mommy." Orphan tossed a cookie to Deidara. "Mommy, Koji. Koji, Mommy. Mommy doesn't like to be messed with, ONWARD!"

"Woah! Slow down!"

"Koji, this is my Uncle Hidan. Guess his age!"

"H-hi sir... Um... Forty?"

"Nope! He's twenty-four!"

"Eh?! He looks so-"

"Don't you fucking dare say 'old'! My hair is fucking silver." Hidan scowled.

Orphan tugged on Koji's arm, "ONW-"

"Orphan, hurry it up!"

"Okay... Nii-san, Daddy, Little Brother!"

"Little?"

"Z-Zetsu, Sasori! Cookies!" Orphan tossed the cookies to them like frisbees. She tossed two to Zetsu because of Yoropiko.

"Mommy, Tobi! Come here!"

"Yes, what is it pest... Un"

"Yes Nee-chan?"

"Will you play in the water with me?" Orphan asked.

_What a strange family... _Koji thought

"Ugh. I don't real- Whoa!"

_SPLASH! _

"Tobi tripped, Sempai! Honest!"

"Why you! Tobi is a bad boy! Tobi must pay! Un"

_Strange, but they're family none the less... It makes me feel warm inside... Yes... Still family... _

Koji walked to the flower patch by the lair. He felt something cold on his spine. He turned around.

"_HAAAALLLLOOOOO!_" "Aaah!" "**What do you think you're doing?** _Hmmm?_"

"Eh, uh, erm, I, um-"

"**It doesn't matter, stay away from our flowers!** _Buh-byyye~!_" Zetsu walked away.

"Uh... Eh?!" Koji turn back to flowers.

"_What?!_ _Do you plan to contaminate them?!_ **Stay away!**"

"Aah! How did you-"

"**Take you and your little bladder elsewhere!**"

"I wasn't going to pee!" Koji walked away.

_Come to think of it..._ Koji ran to a tree and pulled down his swim trunks. _Think happy thou-_

"_MINE!_"

"Eh?!"

"_My tree! No contamination! Find your own tree!_"

"Fine!"

Next tree...

_Think happ-_

"_MINE!_"

"What the heck?!"

Next five tr-

"**You know, we're not obsessed with vegetation!**"

SHUT UP! Anyways, continuing the story... Next five trees...

"_Mine!_ **Mine!** _Mine! Mine!_ **Mine!**"

Cherry tree...

"Is this yours?!"

Zetsu just stared.

_Good... Think ha-_

"_**MY PRECIOUS!**_"

"S-scary!"

Second to last tree...

"This one...?"

"_Nope, not mine._" Zetsu said.

_Whew... Think happy-_

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Aaah!" Koji pulled his swim trunks up. "G-go away! I need to pee!"

"I'm not sure you wanna-"

"I do!"

"Okay, bye." Orphan skipped away.

_At last..._ Koji pulled his swim trunks back down. "Aaaaahhhh..."

Koji finished, pulled his swim trunks up, and turned around. "What? You said it's not your tree!"

"_It's not MY tree._" Chatterbox pointed to himself. "**It's mine!**" Wicked-Tongue growled.

"Aaaaaah!"

"Zetsu-san, don't eat him!"

"_Yes Tobi..._ **Hmmmph. Now you've contami-** _Orphan's... F-flowers I was g-growing..._ **You're going to die, I'm going to eat you.**"

"Bad Zetsu! Stop, sit, stay!"

"**I'm going to eat you too!**"

"Aaaaah! Grandma!"

Zetsu lunged at Koji, but Orphan got in the way.

"ZETSU! YOU ARE IN A LOAD OF TROUBLE!"

"_Eeeep! Retreat!_" Zetsu disappeared into the ground.

"Orphan, why are you crying? Did he hurt you? What happened? Are you okay? Hidan!"

"Yea?"

"Get Zetsu!"

"Yes Ma'am!"

"Deidara, take Orphan inside and calm her down!"

"Why me? Hm"

"You are Mommy!"

"Why not Daddy?! Hm"

"I want Mommy!" Orphan wailed.

"That's why!" Konan shouted.

"Tch, fine. C'mere pest... Hm" Deidara took Orphan inside.

As soon as he did, Orphan cried harder.

"It's okay... You're gonna be okay, you're not hurt anywhere... Right? Hm"

Orphan held up her right arm. "H-h-h-he bit me... HE BIT ME! H-he tried to EAT ME! He... He... HE... H-HE... H-"

"C-calm down, Orphan, you're hyperventilating! Hm"

"He tried to... HE WAS GOING TO EAT ME!" Orphan was breathing fast and heavily.

"O-Orphan."

"Zetsu was going to-"

"ORPHAN!"

"H-huh?"

"Mommy wouldn't let Zetsu eat you, Mommy WON'T let Zetsu eat you. Mommy would make Zetsu go '_BOOM_' okay? Let's get your arm fixed. Hm"

Ten minutes later...

"Deidara, where's Orphan?"

"She's inside taking a nap. Hm"

"Why?"

"I don't know. She got on the couch, said she was taking a nap, then closed her eyes. Your guess is as good as mine. Un"

Pein walked over to Koji. "It's time for you to go home little boy."

"Yes Sir. Thank-you for having me over Sir. Please tell Orphan bye for me Sir." Koji bowed. "C'mon Retasu!" Koji went home and everyone went inside.

Sure enough, Orphan was fast asleep on the couch.

July Twenty-ninth...

"We should decide which village Orphan goes to school, even if it's just Kindergarten for now."

"I vote Kirigakure."

"Don't listen to the shark, I vote Sunagakure."

"Konohagakure..."

"No no no Danna, Iwagakure."

"Suna!"

"Mommy says Iwa! Hm"

"Konohagakure..."

"Ame." "Ame." "Amegakure, three against one Deidara."

"Konohagakure..."

"Don't I get to pick?"

"Yea, sure Orphan! Pick Mommy. Hm"

"No, pick Daddy. Mommy's stupid!"

"No, Daddy's stupid! Hm"

"Konohagakure..."

"Well?!"

"... Nii-san's smarter than both of you, I wanna go to Nii-san's village!"

"Eh?!"

Itachi smiled. "Konoha it is."

The next day, Deidara took Orphan shopping. He got a lot of stuff for Kindergarten. A LOT of stuff...

The day after...

"Orphan, you have to get up early tomorrow, so you are going to bed early tonight."

Orphan finished her lunch. "Okay Grandma."

That night...

"Orphan, take a shower!" Orphan did and got into her pajamas. She walked into the livingroom.

"Okay Sweet Pea, go to bed." Orphan hugged everyone, then ran to the room she and Tobi shared.

"What's she going to wear tomorrow?"

Zetsu ran to his room and grabbed something. He ran back down and showed it to everyone.

"_This._"

"I don't know..." Konan looked doubtful.

"We approve." Deidara and Pein said.

"They ARE Mommy and Daddy... Okay, she can wear it. Orphan, I said time for bed! Tobi, let her sleep, let's get some peace and quiet up there, I should only hear soft snoring!"

* * *

**Please note: I call the black side of Zetsu, Yoropiko. It is easier than calling him KuroZetsu or Black Zetsu. ****I am also addicted to writing Pain's name as 'Pein', I apologize if either of these things are annoying**


	4. Ch4 - Erm, Kindergarten

**I have worked very hard on book one of this series. I really hope you enjoy it! I've actually finished the first book, I've written it all down in notebooks, I just have to type it. I apologize deeply in advance for any mistakes. I've added several OCs to this story as well. The OCs in the chapter are: Orphan(main), Koji(minor), Lettuce/Retasu(minor), Sashimi(minor), Zuki(major), Other Kids From Kindergarten(minors), Other Animals(minors) ****The characters that belong to Masashi Kishimoto respectively are in fact mostly OOC, meaning Out Of Character**

* * *

**_Erm, Kindergarten_**

"Orphan, come on, it's time to go!"

"Coming! Is Grandma coming?"

"No, parents have to."

"Okay Daddy."

Konoha Kindergarten...

"Okay, name...?"

"Pein."

The guy looked up. "P-Pain...?"

"Uh, er, P-E-I-N..."

"P-P-P-"

"I'm not that Pein! I'm a different Pein!"

"Uh, yes Sir! Okay, relationship?"

"Father."

"Okay, daughter's name?"

"Orphan."

"... Okay... That's all... You will pick her up at one o'clock."

"I don't wanna go Daddy..."

"Why? You've been waiting."

"I didn't know I'd be alone!"

"You'll be fine. Bye Princess." Pein kissed Orphan's forehead, then left.

"C'mon sweetie, let's go inside." Orphan followed the teacher to a classroom.

"Okay. We'll will start by introduction. My name is Zuki Takihada."

Thirty minutes later...

"Okay, since this is our first day, and you just left your parents and have to stay away for a few hours, how about we talk about parents? How about daddies first? Miko, would you like to go first?"

"Sure!" Miko stood. "My Daddy is a shop owner! He sells lots of homemade stuff!" Miko show everyone a necklace. "My Daddy made this, cool huh?"

"That's very nice! Now, Yuri?"

Yuri stood and Miko sat.

"MY Daddy is a NINJA! He goes PWAFFFFAAAAA PUFF and he's GONE!"

"Hey, my Daddy is a ninja too!"

"Mine too!"

"And mine!"

"Alright, alright, settle down! Koji?" Zuki said. Yuri sat.

Koji looked at his lap. "... I don't have a daddy..."

"Oh... I'm sorry... Orphan?"

"... I have FIVE Daddies!"

"Wha...?"

"Yep! FIVE! Only one stays around all the time, the other four come and go. They all have orange hair and pole type piercings in their face, and lots of ear piercings! The leader daddy is leader because he's the DIVA path! Oh, and guess what? He is the leader of our bad guy team! All the other daddys take orders from the leader daddy, diva path." Orphan smiled. (Yes, I know he's the Deva Path.)

_What an active imagination..._ Zuki thought.

All the other kids started laughing.

"Okay Orphan, this isn't the time for fantasies, okay? You've lost your chance. Rika?" Zuki said.

A little later...

"Okay, now we are going to talk about mommies! Koji?"

"I don't have a mommy..."

"Oh... Takei?"

"My Mommy is a fierce ninja! She kicks all the guy ninjas' butts!"

"Nice! *sighs* Orphan...?"

Orphan smiled. "My Mommy makes pretty birdies and stuff out of clay and blows people up! Sometimes, Mommy flies on a HUGE clay birdie and the are mouths on Mommy's hands and-"

"ENOUGH Orphan! This is a time of SERIOUSNESS. Since you cannot seem to understand that, go sit in the corner until you can!"

"But... B-but, I'm telling the tru-"

"NOW."

Orphan went to the corner and sat. She unzipped her backpack and pulled out some clay. "I'm gonna make a birdie just like Mommy's!" She whispered happily to herself. She mushed clay together and pinched and squished. "Done! Yaaaayyy!"

One o'clock...

"Orphan, Sweetie!"

"Daddy!"

"Excuse me Sir, may I have a word with you?" Zuki asked.

"What about?"

"Your daughter."

"What has she done?"

"Well, you see, your daughter doesn't take things very seriously... She said she had four other fathers besides you and that you are a 'diva' and that you lead a 'bad guy team'... Is this a game you play with her?"

"Uhhhhhhh... Yes. Yes, it is... With my four younger brothers, they, uh, call me DEVA, not diva... Erm, she just has a wild imagination..."

"Okay... And she says her mother has MOUTHS on her h-"

"Yea, let's not talk about her mother."

"... Rough times? Single parent?"

"No, actually, her mother is just very private. Good day sir."

Back at the lair...

"Mommy, how come I couldn't wear my cloak?"

"We are hated among the... Because Mommy said so... Hm"

"Oh... I made you something!" Orphan gave Deidara the 'bird' she made.

"Oh... Wow, uh, great job! Un"

"Nobody but Koji believed me about you and Daddy..."

"Well, that's on them. If they don't wanna hear how AWESOME I am, th-"

"Deidara, shut up."

"Yes Danna..."

The next day...

"_Are you going to wear this today Orphan...?_" Zetsu asked, holding up what he got her.

"Uh... Let's save that for a special occasion." Orphan ran to Konan.

"_Why does she hate me...?_ **Because you're a fool.** _Am not!_ **Are to.** _That would make YOU stupid!_ **I said fool, stupid.**"

"Stop arguing with yourself. Hm"

"**_SHUT UP, STUPID!_**"

"You're the fool who has no appreciation for art and argues with himself ALL the time! Hm"

"Bye Mommy!"

"Bye Pest!" Deidara turned back to Zetsu. "So you've got NOTHING on me! Hm"

At school...

"I know it's your second day here, but we are having... A PET show tomorrow! Those of you who do not have a pet at home can sit and watch OR bring a stuffed animal! Sound good?" Zuki said.

The kids cheered.

"Awesome!"

"Yaaaayyy! I can bring my pet shark Kisame!"

Zuki stared at Orphan. "..."

"Teacher, what are we going to do today?" Misa asked.

"Well, I'm waiting for someone, so how about we draw in groups of two?"

They kids agreed, except Orphan. Everyone picked a partner... Except Orphan.

"Well Orphan, I guess we'll be drawing together." Zuki said.

"I don't want to draw."

"It's either that, or the corner."

"Okay." Orphan skipped over to the corner and sat down. She pulled out her Naruto plush doll and her Rillakuma bear that Sasori gave her, Sori.

Later...

"Teacher! Orphan isn't sharing!" Temi shouted.

"Orphan!" Zuki looked at her.

"Sasori gave me this for my birthday! No one is allowed to touch Sori! He's mine, MINE! And Grandpa say I don't have to share!" Orphan yelled.

"Who's this Sasori?" Zuki asked.

"My big brother! He's made of wood, so he's super strong and he's a puppet and can put himself back together and-"

Zuki rolled his eyes. "ENOUGH excuses Orphan! Just share th-"

"NO!" Orphan shoved Sori back into her bag.

"I'm going to tell your parents."

"It won't do much..." Orphan muttered under her breath.

One o'clock...

"Let's go Orphan!"

"Sasori!"

"Hey, who are you?" Zuki asked, walking over.

"My name is Sasori, I'm part of Orphan's family." Sasori answered.

"He's my big brother!" Orphan said.

"Well, your little sister doesn't play nicely with others, Sir." Zuki stated.

"Neither do I." Sasori said sassily. "Let's go Orphan..."

Back at the lair...

"Pet, there's a pet show tomorrow and-"

"No."

"Bu-"

"No, bring Sharky."

"Hmph... Secret Technique: Kawaii Puppy Eyes No Jutsu!"

Kisame looked at Orphan. "No."

Orphan started to cry.

"Orphan..." Itachi put a hand on her shoulder.

Orphan looked up at Itachi.

"Don't give up on your opponent. Try again."

Orphan sniffled. "O-okay... PLEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSSE?!"

"Orphan, I already said n-"

Itachi gave Kisame a VERY dark glare.

"-nnnnnnyyyyeeeeesss! Yes, of course Orphan!"

"It... It worked!"

"Great job Orphan!" Itachi pat Orphan's head.

The next day...

Kisame and Orphan went to the school and to the auditorium.

"Itachi, I'll kill you..." Kisame murmured.

Kisame stayed backstage while Orphan went and sat with Itachi and Pein until it was close to her turn.

"First is... Miko Nomiya and his weasel, Yuya."

Miko walked on-stage with Yuya on his shoulder. "This is Yuya, my weasel. Yuya can do lots of tricks."

"She is pretty." The teacher said.

"Yuya's a boy. Everybody assumes Yuya's a girl because of his beautiful, shiny coat."

"Can Yuya do a trick for us?"

"Yep! Yuya, backflip."

Yuya jumped off Miko's shoulder and backflipped.

The audience clapped.

"Thank-you, Miko and Yuya!"

Miko took Yuya off-stage.

"Next is Koji Kihoyi and his dog, Retasu."

Koji led Retasu on-stage. "Hi. This right here, is Retasu. I don't know his specific breed, but I'll tell you how I got him. Retasu's name used to be Lettuce, and he belonged to a very nice girl. He had run away when I found him. I thought he was a stray, so I kept him. Later, I met the girl, who's actually in my class, in town. She was so happy to have her puppy back. She and her grandma started to go home when the girl turned and came back, then just GAVE me Retasu. I say a million thanks everyday because Retasu's the only family I have besides my Uncle. Trust me, I like the dog more. I'm not lonely anymore, because I gained two friends. It wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't for that very special girl, Orphan." Koji pointed out at Orphan.

Everyone turned to her and started clapping.

She blushed and hid her face in Itachi's chest.

"That was a very sweet story. Thank-you for sharing." The teacher said.

Koji bowed, then led Retasu off-stage.

"Next is Misa Haka and her gold fish, Shiny."

Orphan got up and went backstage.

A few minutes later...

"Next is Orphan and her... Shark...? Kisame..."

Orphan dragged Kisame on-stage. He was dress in all black.

"This is my pet shark, Kisame! Say hello Pet!"

"Hello..."

"Uh... Orphan... That's not a shark. That's a guy covered in blue paint." Zuki said.

"He is too a shark! Pet has breathe-underwater thingies! They don't work much..." Orphan said, remembering the toilet incident. "He likes seafood and he has sharp teeth! Pet, smile!"

Kisame smiled a pointy-toothed smile.

"See! He IS a shark! He is MY shark!"

"No, he's NOT!"

"You're being mean to Orphan. I eat punks like you for dinner." Kisame growled. _Yea right, like I'd do that, yuck!_ He thought to himself.

"He's a SHARK!" Orphan shouted.

"O-okay... Th-thank-you Orphan and K-Kisame... Next is-"

Kisame and Orphan got off-stage.

"Hey, Orphan, does that guy always treat you like that?"

"Yeah, he said I was lying about Daddy and Mommy... Then, he made me sit in the corner 'cause I didn't wanna draw. Then he took Sori. Sori's special to me and Sasori's special too. He still hasn't given him back."

"Well, we'll just get him back ourselves. C'mon."

Two hours later...

Zuki was looking for a folder when he spotted Orphan playing with Sori.

_I thought I took that bear away._

Zuki walked over to Orphan. "How'd you get that?"

"Sasori ga-"

"You stole it from my desk! This time, you won't get it back! EVER!"

"No, Sori's MINE, get your own Sori!"

Zuki grabbed the stuffed bear, but pulled his hand back immediately when it nearly got snapped of by a set of sharp, pearly-white teeth.

"Do that again and I'll go higher!" Kisame snarled.

"Ho-"

"Pein made me stay because of you. Orphan tells us things, and I'm reporting you!"

"Please, please! I-I could lose my job if you report to the Hokage! I'll be nice, I swear! Just, please don-"

"Not to the Hokage! To her older brother!"

"Oh..."

_Heh, stupid shark. That red head won't phase me._

Let's just say... Ain't no red-head tryin' to phase him...

The next day...

"Woah, slow down Orphan! Tell us CALMLY..."

Earlier that day... 

"He what?! Orphan, I'm taking you to school."

"Itachi, don't kill the dude."

"Shut up Kisame."

"Nii-san, Daddy says you have to leave your c-"

"Yea yea." Itachi threw his cloak on the couch and took Orphan to school.

Orphan walked to her classroom.

"I don't see the red-head."

"Sasori wasn't coming."

"Heh. And, you left your little bear at home, didn't you."

"No, he's right here." Orphan pulled out her bear.

"Well, I'm going to burn it, bra-"

"Shut the Hell up! What gives you the right to treat a SIX year old girl this way huh?!" Itachi yelled.

"Eh!? Who are you?!"

"Your worst nightmare!"

"Nii-san!" Orphan smiled.

"Kisame told me everything you've done! She was telling the truth about-"

"Mommy and Daddy!"

"Orphan, let me handle this. Why the Hell would you send a child to a corner because they didn't want to draw or because they have an active imagination?! And Orphan shouldn't have gotten Sori taken away because she didn't want to share him with a stranger!"

"You have no proof!" Zuki yelled.

"I know a boy in this class who'll tell."

"You mean Orphan's little friend Koji? He only hangs out with her because she gave him her mutt. Besides, he's sick at home currently. Still waiting for proof..."

A boy raised his hand. "Um, sir? Zuki Sensei di-"

"Can it, Sushi!" Zuki shouted.

"It's Sashimi! You always make fun of my name!"

"Whatever, just shut it!"

"NO! He does mess with Orphan! In fact, he messes with all of us. I wanna new teacher!"

"YEA!" The class shouted.

"And a new teacher you shall get. I got my proof, idiot. Now apologize to Orphan!"

"No, you can't make me!"

"Wanna bet?"

"Yea, I bet your face!" Zuki swung his fist at Itachi. Itachi caught it and started to squeeze.

~Present~ 

"And then Nii-san said a lot of words Uncle Hidan says and then made Zuki Sensei apologize to the whole class then punched him in the face and we got a substitute teacher for the rest of the day and tomorrow we get a new teacher because Nii-san told on Zuki Sensei and I'm hungry."

"Uh..."

"Okay okay, this is what I heard: Blah blah blah, blah blah Uncle Hidan blah blah, yada yada punched in the face blah, yammer yammer, blah blah blah, hungry." Hidan said.

"Well, he's not afraid to speak his mind..." Sasori muttered.

"Orphan, I made you cookies. They're in the kitchen."

"Yay!" Orphan ran into the kitchen.

"... What the Hell Itachi?! First you cuss in front of a bunch of little kids, then you beat their teacher in front of them?! That's just sick! I mean-"

Itachi leaned over and whispered everything Zuki had done since Orphan started going to school to Konan.

Orphan walked in just as Konan finished her string of ancient language.

"That was pretty language Konan. Very pretty words you chose." Itachi said.

Konan spouted some more ancient language at Itachi, then stormed up the stairs.

"Feisty lady..."

"Nii-san? What does damn mean?"

"Uh..."

"And crap and-"

"STOP saying those words..."

"Okay... But what do they mean?"

"I'll tell you when you're older..."

"Okay... Uncle Hidan! What does-"

"ORPHAN."

"Sorry Nii-san..."

The next day at school...

"Hello, my name is Ren, my last name isn't necessary... I will be your new Sensei. We're going to start off where you left, but first, Orphan, would you like to finish telling about your parents? I heard you didn't get to."

"No thanks."

Ren smiled sweetly. "Alright. Now, everybody, if Orphan does not want to share her stuff, leave her be. I have to get something done, so you may have the next hour free."

Orphan sat down in the corner and was about to pull out Sori when a shadow loomed over her, blocking her light. Orphan looked up.

"Hi, I'm... My name is... Er, uh, I'm Sashimi..."

"I like your name!"

"You do?"

"Yea! I only know one person here, so I hang out here by myself while he's gone."

"Koji?"

"Mnhmm."

"Cool, he's my best friend! I didn't enter the pet show, but Nitori, my pet ferret, loves Retasu. So does Koji. He brings that dog almost EVERYWHERE!"

Orphan smiled. "I'm Orphan. Wanna play?"

"Uhh... Sure." Sashimi pulled off his backpack and nervously picked at the zipper. Orphan saw he was embarrassed, she she pulled out three of her most precious toys: Naruto the plush doll, Sori the Rillakuma bear, and Mangyeko the dinosaur plush. Seeing Orphan's toys, Sashimi pulled out three of his own: Ruka the dolphin, Same the shark, and Miina the turtle. Sashimi's face turned red and he stuffed Ruka and Same back into his bag.

Orphan giggle. "Or we can just talk." She said, putting Mangyeko and Sori back in her bag.

"Y-yea... Sounds good..."

Meanwhile, back at the Akatsuki lair...

"Uuuuuggghhhh... I'm bored... I know! Danna! Hm" Deidara called.

"No!"

"But-"

"Leave me alone, brat!"

"Danna's so mean, hmmph. Ah! Konan! Hm"

"No! And don't you dare say another word to me!" Konan yelled.

"Ki-"

"No!"

"Zet-"

"_No!_ **No!**"

"P-"

"No!"

"Kak-"

"Pay me."

"Never mind... Hid-"

"PAIN! Yes, PAIN! Pain is good! Hahahahaha!"

"... Tobi? Hm"

"Sorry Sempai, Tobi is busy!"

"Aaaargh! Hmm... Deck the halls with gasoline, falalalala lala la la. Light a match and watch it gleam, falalalala lala la la. Watch the lair BURN to ASHES! Falala lalala LA LA L-"

"Deidara, what the Hell are you singing?!" Sasori yelled.

"Nothing! Hm"

Back at Kindergarten...

"Okay, I've got everything sorted out and it looks like some shinobi and kunoichi are available for what I have planned. Please welcome... Neji, Naruto, Ino, Lee, Shikamaru, Kiba, and Hinata." Ren said.

The kids smiled. "They're real Ninja!"

"Yes, yes they are. They will be taking you to different spots in Konoha. Okay, Rika and Yuri, Ino will be your guide..."

The two girls ran over to Ino.

"Miko and Midori, Naruto."

Orphan pouted.

"Takei and Sashimi, Hinata. Soba and Mako, Lee. Misa and Kairi, Kiba. Temi and Rin, Shikamaru. Orphan, you would have been partnered with Koji, but he's sick at home... Looks like you will be going with Neji alone. I'll see you in two hours."

Everybody walked out of the classroom. Once outside, everybody split up. Orphan looked up at Neji. He seemed very very familiar...

_I remember him from somewhere... Where have I- wait, he's saying something!_ "Huh?"

"I said, we have two routes to pick from."

"Oh, uh, I don't know... I'll just follow you."

"Okay..." _Why me? Why couldn't SHINO have been picked for this...? _Neji thought.

A little while into the 'journey'(fieldtrip I guess)...

"... Why are you staring at me?" Neji asked.

"S-sorry! Um... Are you blind?" Orphan asked.

"Erk! No... My eye are like this because I belong to the Hyūga clan."

"What do they do?"

"*sigh* How about we just-"

"Come back! Stop running! He's not a bear, he's a dog! Misa, Kairi!" Kiba shouted.

Misa and Kairi ran over and hid behind Neji.

"Kiba, explain..." Neji said.

"Well, they think Akamaru is an evil polar bear that wants to eat them when he's OBVIOUSLY a FRIENDLY DOG. Wanna trade?"

"No, I quite like having to only look after one child. Come on Orphan."

"Rawrf?" Akamaru walked over.

"Aaah! The polar bear is back! Run away! Aaaah!"

"Misa, Kairi, guys, come ON!" Kiba chased them.

Meanwhile, back at the lair...

"Deidara Sempai, Tobi's not bus- uh..."

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM! Hm"Deidara slammed his door in Tobi's face.

Tobi giggled.

"What was that about, Tobi?" Sasori asked, stopping briefly from going to his room because he heard Deidara yelling.

"Sasori! Sasori! Sempai is dancing to the Macarena!"

Sasori dropped his puppet tool he was holding. "... I... I guess he got too bored..."

After school...

"So, how was school Orphan?" Konan asked.

"It was AWESOME! I made two new friends today!"

"You did?"

"Yea, a boy named Sashimi, a-"

"Another boy...?" Pein groaned.

"Shut up Pein, Orphan is telling me about her new friends. Continue." Konan said.

"And a shinobi named Neji! He is a REAL ninja!"

There was a shriek and the sound of glass breaking that came from the kitchen. Deidara rushed to the living room.

"Did she just say Neji? Why did she Neji? Is it THE Neji Hyūga? Un"

"He said he was from the Hyūga clan. He's my new friend." Orphan said innocently.

"SEE Itachi?! She's going to make FRIENDS with our ENEMIES! And it's all YOUR f-"

"Shut up."

The next day...

"Orphan, it's Saturday, you don't go to school." Itachi said.

"Oh..." Orphan dropped her backpack.

"Come on, let's go for a walk."

Later, in a plain field with no people around...

"Hey, Nii-san?"

"Yes Or-"

"Itachi... I didn't know my shot at revenge would come so soon!"

_Oh brother..._ "Hello Sasuke..."

"Don't you HELLO me! I'm about to ki- wha? What the Hell?!"

"What?"

"What the Hell is that?!" Sasuke pointed his sword at Itachi. "Y-you have a thing growing out of your side!"

Itachi remembered Orphan, who was hiding behind him peeking out. "Oh, this?" Itachi picked Orphan up. "It's my evil-minded weapon who does nothing but kill."

"I bring you love!" Orphan giggled.

"Evil, huh..."

"I'm still working it out..." Itachi put Orphan down.

Sasuke started to laugh.

"Nii-san, is he laughing at me?" Orphan asked.

"Yes."

Orphan didn't like to be laughed at.

Sasuke kept laughing, "It'll never happen! He's a little weakling! And-"

Itachi just stared at Sasuke blankly while handing a kunai to Orphan.

"One punch and he'll- AAAAGGGH!" Sasuke yelled as the kunai sunk into his skin. "Why you... I'm going to kill Itachi AND you!"

Orphan walked up to Sasuke.

"Orphan, no!" Itachi shouted.

"You will NOT hurt my Nii-san!"

"Yes, I will! I'm going to kill him! Now move little boy or should I kill you fir-" Sasuke made a high pitched wailing noise and fell to the ground.

"I am a GIRL!" Orphan ran back over to Itachi. "You'll never kill Nii-san!"

"Nnnnnnn... Aaaahhhh..."

"Foolish little brother. Orphan may be small, but she's strong, and she kicks where it counts."

"My tenders..."

"Plus, you're still too weak to defeat me." Itachi began to walk away.

"Bye-bye Onii-chan!" Orphan said cheerfully.

"Wha... What did you just call me...?" Sasuke asked, his eye twitching.

"Onii-chan. You are Nii-san's little brother and if you are Nii-san's brother, that makes you MY brother, Onii-chan! Bye-bye!" Orphan followed Itachi.

"I'LL GET YOU- mngph... ITACHI! YOU AND YOUR LITTLE BRAT TOO! Owww..."

Five minutes later...

"Dude, what happened?" Suigetsu asked, looking at Sasuke, who was still on the ground.

"Sasuke-kun, are you alright?! Who did this?!" Karin asked.

"I-Itachi..."

"Your older brother did this?" Suigetsu asked.

"Shut up Suigetsu, Sasuke-kun's trying to talk!"

"No... His brat did... His supposed weapon..."

"Brat?"

"Brat can kick harder than expected..."

Suigetsu and Jūgo's eyes widened.

"Ouch man, I feel for you."

"Ssss."

"And the brat's a girl..."

"That's worse..." Jūgo said.

"It can't be that bad... C'mon Sasuke-kun, you're strong."

The three boys looked at Karin.

"What? It's not!"

"You wouldn't understand, you're a woman! Anyway, how old was the brat?"

"Judging by her size and voice, maybe five or six..."

"That's just embarrassing..."

Back at the lair...

"We're back!"

"So soon?" Kisame asked.

"We ran into Sasuke. Orphan gave him a piece of her mind." Itachi answered.

"Oh."

"She kicked him in the balls."

"OH..."

Later that day, the only people in the lair were Deidara, Orphan, and Sasori. The others were off attending to 'Akatsuki matters'. Sasori was up in his room and Deidara was on the couch reading a book. Orphan walked up to him.

"Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mo-"

"That's it! Un" Deidara stood up, dropping his book. "I'm not a mommy!"

"Mommy." Orphan giggled.

"NO! Not mommy! Hm"

"Yes Mommy!"

"NOT MOMMY!"

"MOMMY!" Orphan smiled.

"GRRRR!"

"Look, Mommies tell you bedtime stories, Mommies play with you, Mommies teach great life facts, Mommies love you no matter what, Mommies protect you! And that's what you do!"

"NO! Hm"

Orphan stared at Deidara a few seconds. "... MOMMY." She smiled.

"Oh for the love of explosions! I am a DAMN MAN!" Deidara pulled off his shirt revealing his perfectly flat, perfectly MALE chest.

Just at that moment, Sasori came downstairs.

"... Deidara...? What are you doing?"

Deidara looked at Sasori. "... Uh... Proving to Orphan I'm a guy... Hm"

"Yea, okay... I'm gonna take her to get some icecream..." Sasori picked Orphan up and walked away.

"..."

"Bye-bye Mommy!"

"AAARRGHHH!"

The next day...

Itachi sat down, "Kisame, do you want to play Xbox with m-"

There was a knock on the door.

"Tobi will get it!"

"No, I will." Pein pushed past Tobi and opened to door. "Oh, hello Koji. ... And strange boy I don't know but Orphan probably does... What do you want?"

"I'm Sashimi. My parents said I could invite two friends over and of course, Koji was first on list. I was wondering if Orphan can come over?"

"No." Pein shut the door.

"Pein!" Konan put her hands on her hips.

"She's my baby girl!" Pein said.

"Let her play with her friends!"

"But they're boys!"

"They're six!"

"I don't know that Sashimi kid! I barely know Koji!"

"They walked all this way!"

"So?"

"Pein, if you don't let her go, I'll take her. And when I get back, you'll get the BEATING of your life!"

"Orphan, would you like to go play with Sashimi and Koji..?"

"Yes!"

Some time later...

"Boys- er, sorry Orphan. Sashimi, Koji, Orphan, would you like to go to Ichiraku's for lunch?"

"Yes please!"

More time later...

Orphan walked into Ichiraku's and immediately recognized Neji's ponytail. She ran up to him.

"Neji! Are you going to be at school tomorrow?!"

"Hi Orphan. No, but Naruto is."

"Hm?" Orphan noticed Naruto and Kiba. Orphan stared at Naruto in awe...

"Retasu, where are y- oh." Koji watched his dog.

Retasu walked up to Akamaru.

"What are they doing?" Koji asked.

"Probably talking about dog stuff." Kiba replied.

_'Hi, I'm Lettuce!'_

_'I'm Akamaru.'_

_'I'm a dog!'_

_'So am I.'_

Meanwhile, Orphan was still staring at Naruto.

"Um... Neji, why is she staring at me, 'ttebayo?"

"I don't know... I think she just likes to stare."

That evening, after Orphan went home...

"Daddy! I want this!" Orphan held up a picture of Naruto she drew.

"You can have it."

"Pein!" Konan yelled.

"He's a Jinchūriki. She can have the body after we drain the Bijū." Pein said.

"Pein! You can't do that! Plus, it'll rot!"

"I'll have Sasori make him into a puppet."

"Ugh..."

Five days later...

"Today we learned about hand signs and stuff!" Orphan said.

"In Kindergarten? Hm"

"Ren Sensei is just telling about ninjas... Um... I feel really really dizzy..."

"Me too... Hm"

"Yea-"

Everyone in the lair blacked out.

Fifteen minutes later...

"Ugh, what happened... Itachi, are you okay?"

"Eugh... What are you talking about Tobi? You know I'm Deidara... Wait, why do you sound different? Hm"

"AAAAAHHHH! My immortal body! What happened to it?!"

Hearing Hidan's scream, everyone shot up. Hidan stood up.

"Everyone to the living room!"

Everyone piled into the living room. Pein was enraged.

"Okay, Hidan, why did you scream?!" He opened his eyes. His vision was different... He saw everyone, except Hidan... But... He saw Pein. Pein as in the DEVA path... HIMSELF... "How am I over there?!"

"I could ask the same fucking thing! Though, I am pretty handsome..."

"Hidan, come here." Pein stepped forward.

"GREAT. Our bodies our switched!"

"But how?!"

"I don't know."

Here is who everyone is... Deidara switched with Itachi, Hidan switched with Pein, Tobi switched with Sasori, Kisame switched with Kakuzu, Konan switched with Orphan, and Zetsu switched with Yoropiko.

(Okay, here is the thing. pay close attention. When I'm writing a character, I will write ?/?. The first name is actually the person, the second is the body they are in. EXAMPLE: Pein/Hidan grabbed Sasori/Tobi. That means PEIN grabbed SASORI, but the bodies they are in are HIDAN and TOBI. Got it? Back to the story)

"Waaaaaaahhh! My beautiful immortal body!"

"At least you're not stuck as a greedy old stitch-guy!" Kisame/Kakuzu(that is Kisame saying the from Kakuzu's body) shouted.

"You?! What about me?! How do I pee in this body with THESE on my hands?!" Itachi/Deidara complained.

"It's easy! You just have to-"

"Shut up Ita- I mean, Deidara!"

"HELLO?! If you guys haven't noticed, I'M a little girl again! And Orphan's a- Orphan! Stop touching my boobs!"

"At least you girls didn't switch with one of us, since we're guys."

"Sasori is a good boy!"

"DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN TOBI!"

"MY POOR IMMORTAL BODY! AAAAAAHHHH!" Hidan/Pein wailed.

"Shut up, we need to find a way to undo this." Pein/Hidan said.

"Tobi- I mean, Sasori has an idea!"

"TOBI!"

* * *

**Please note: I call the black side of Zetsu, Yoropiko. It is easier than calling him KuroZetsu or Black Zetsu. ****I am also addicted to writing Pain's name as 'Pein', I apologize if either of these things are annoying**


	5. Ch5 - What's Happening?

**I have worked very hard on book one of this series. I really hope you enjoy it! I've actually finished the first book, I've written it all down in notebooks, I just have to type it. I apologize deeply in advance for any mistakes. I've added several OCs to this story as well. The OCs in the chapter are: Orphan(main), Koji(minor), Sashimi(minor), Aka(minor) ****The characters that belong to Masashi Kishimoto respectively are in fact mostly OOC, meaning Out Of Character**

* * *

**_What's Happening?_**

**1\. _Switched_**

"What's your idea Tobi?" Sasori/Tobi asked. (remember, first name is the person, second is the body)

"Well, it's Friday, so we could spend a day as each other! Then we can figure out what happened!"

"That's a stupid idea... Hm" Deidara/Itachi said.

"WOOOOHOOOO!"

Hearing that 'woohoo', everybody ran outside.

"I can flyyyyyy!"

"What is that!? Hm" Deidara/Itachi asked.

"It's a bird!" Tobi/Sasori shouted.

"I wanna eat it..." Zetsu said.

"It's Hidan being stupid." Konan/Orphan said.

"Hidan! Get down here NOW!" Pein/Hidan yelled.

Hidan/Pein returned to earth. "Fun-sucker..." He muttered.

"How did you DO that?!" Orphan/Konan asked.

"Well, this is Pein's body, so..."

"Cut the crap! Do NOT do that again!" Pein/Hidan crossed his arms.

"Watcha gonna do about it?"

"I'll give you a real beating next time!"

"I can fly if I want to! I'M invincible!"

"And I'M IMMORTAL! We're going to spend the rest of today the way we are and tomorrow we're going t- what did I say!?"

"Catch me if you can! Oh wait, you CAN'T FLY! Weeeeeeee-oof! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"I can't fly, but I can throw rocks pretty hard!" Pein/Hidan said as Hidan/Pein fell to the ground.

"You're just jealous because I figured out how to fly and you hadn't." Hidan/Pein said, rubbing his head.

"Haha, please, I had my body before you!"

"Just forget it!" Konan/Orphan shouted.

Later...

"I can't take it anymore! I can't do anything I want to, I want my body back!" Hidan/Pein shouted.

"Go stab yourself awhi- oh yea..." Kakuzu/Kisame rubbed his head.

"That's right Kakisakumezu! I'm not immortal anymore and it wouldn't matter since this body isn't recognized by Lord Jashin-sama!"

"Kakiwhatawho?"

"I mixed your name with Kisame's. His is Kikakusazume."

"I thought Pein WAS immortal..."

"..."

"Whatever, we just have to wait till tomorrow."

"AAAAGH!"

"Hey, Itachi? How do you activate the Sharingan? Hm"

_He's dumber than I thought..._ "Why?"

"Because I wanna use Tsukyomi or Mangyeko on a certain someone."

"Katsu!"

*_**explosion**_*

"Fool..." Itachi/Deidara walked away.

"He just injured his own body... Hm" Deidara/Itachi groaned.

Meanwhile, Konan/Orphan was with Sashimi and Koji.

"Mom, may we go to the park?" Sashimi asked.

"Yes, you may."

At the park...

"Hey Orphan."

Konan/Orphan heard the voice behind her and nearly jumped out of her skin. She turned around and kicked whoever the voice belonged to, then ran over to Sashimi and Koji.

"Uh, Orphan? Are you okay? You're actin' kinda weird..." Sashimi said.

"I dunno what you mean, I'm totally fine."

"Uh, okay, then why'd you kick Neji in the leg?"

"Huh?"

"S-sorry I startled you..." Neji said from behind her, rubbing his shin.

Konan/Orphan turned around. She shrieked, kicked Neji hard where it counts, and ran away.

"Orphan, where are you going!?" Koji shouted.

"HOME!"

The next day...

"Guys guys! Sasori found a scroll! Sasori is a good boy!" Tobi/Sasori shouted.

"What did I say about doing that?! Anyway, what's a scroll gotta do with anything?" Sasori/Tobi asked.

Tobi/Sasori held up his finger. "It's the scroll that switched us! Sa- erm, Tobi read it and it's the right one! It's an ancient scroll and there is another. The one to undo this mess! Follow me!"

Everyone followed Tobi/Sasori outside.

Tobi/Sasori opened the scroll. "Right here it says that if we go more than three days like this, we'll be stuck FOREVER!" Everyone gasped. "No!" Tobi/Sasori nodded and continued reading.

"The other scroll is hidden, it may be hard to find. It is very tricky, the journey may mess with your mind. But if you have the will and heart, and put up a great fight, it will appear that the answer was always in plain sight... Tobi doesn't get it. If it's supposed to be hard to find, why is it in plain sight?"

Konan/Orphan snatched the scroll away. "It has a map right here. It-"

A large bird flew over and snatched the scroll away.

"Hey! Give that back!"

The bird flew away. Everybody freaked.

"Everyone after it!"

Everyone started to chase the bird. Deidara/Itachi reached for his pouch so he could make a large clay bird, but he didn't have it. Itachi/Deidara did.

"Guyyyyyssss! Wait up! I'm not that fast anymore!" Konan/Orphan yelled, way far behind. Orphan/Konan looked backwards and ran into a tree.

"Oooowwww... Daddy!" She started crying.

"Hey, don't cry in my body! C'mon, I look stupid now..." Konan/Orphan pouted.

"It's getting away! Hey, Kakuzu, you're going the wrong-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Kakuzu/Kisame ran the opposite direction while Samehada crawled over to Kisame/Kakuzu.

"Hey, you figured out it wasn't me, didn't you... I'm sorry Samehada." "Mrrghhh..."

Tobi/Sasori stepped on a light tree branch and it broke, causing him to fall down on his face. Sasori/Tobi stopped and screamed.

"No no no, not the face!"

"Hey! I got it!" Itachi/Deidara held up the scroll.

Everyone went back to where Konan/Orphan, Orphan/Konan, and Kakuzu/Kisame were. Orphan/Konan was still sniffling with Konan/Orphan trying to make her stop. She saw the guys.

"Oh, thank goodness! Okay, lemme see the sc-"

"No way! YOU were the one who got it snatched away, I'M gonna read it this time." Itachi/Deidara said.

Pein/Hidan hugged Orphan/Konan trying to calm her down and asking if her head was okay. Since Orphan was in KONAN'S body and Pein was in HIDAN'S... Konan/Orphan made a very unpleasant face.

"Euuuughhh..."

"Alright..." Itachi/Deidara opened the scroll. "Hmmm... This is not a map... Nor is this a riddle you guys. THIS is the scroll that undoes the mess. Tobi, you found it right away!"

Tobi/Sasori shook his head and pointed at the bird Itachi/Deidara caught. "That's not the bird that stole the scroll I found, that's a different bird!"

"Huh?"

The bird that stole the first scroll flew overhead, still holding the scroll.

"Wha-?!"

Deidara/Itachi threw a kunai through it and it fell down to the ground. He retrieved the scroll.

"Well, we got both, so let's undo this thing! Hm"

**2\. _They Have Spoken_**

It was Monday and everyone back to normal.

"Did you have a nice birthday yesterday Kakuzu?" Konan asked.

"Yes, I did. Thank-you for asking."

"Sasori, go wake Deidara up. It's three o'clock, he shouldn't be sleeping this late."

Sasori nodded and went to Deidara's room. He knocked on the door. No response. Sasori just walked in.

"C'mon Dei. It's three o'clock... I don't know what you were doing yesterday, you were gone all day, but you can't sleep all day today."

"Go away..." Deidara muttered. His voice was deeper than usual.

"Did you get sick or something? Come on, talk to me sleephead." Sasori turned on the light.

"Turn the fucking light off!" This time, Deidara sounded... Like a woman...

"Uh... Dei?" Sasori was about to pull back the covers when Deidara pointed a kunai at his heart.

"Back off puppet-boy or I'll stab you!"

Sasori staggered backwards with the blanket. Deidara turned over. He was still asleep. He held up his left hand.

"Put the kunai down, he sounds nice." It said in it's womanly voice.

"You always ruin the fun..." The right hand muttered.

Sasori freaked. "Deidara! Deidara wake the Hell up!"

"W-what?!" Deidara asked, sitting up quickly. "You're acting really weird! You're making weird movements in your sleep and your hands are talking!"

"Huh?" Deidara moved his hands to his face.

"Hey, looks like he's awake!" The right hand said.

"Rise and shine Dei-kun!" The left said.

"They're talking again!" Sasori left the room.

Deidara stared at his hands for about thirty seconds before screaming and falling off his bed.

A few minutes later in the shower...

"So, how come you guys haven't talked till now and why does lefty sound like a woman? Hm"

"We weren't sure you'd like having us talk." The right hand said.

"And I AM a woman! Besides, my name isn't lefty."

"Okay... We'll talk later. Hm"

Five minutes later in Deidara's room again...

"So, now we decided to help you out a little. First off, you need to befriend Itachi."

"No way! Not him! Hm"

"YES."

"Fine, what do I do...? Hm"

"Buy him a kitten." The left hand said.

"What!?"

"Buy him a kitten."

"No!"

"Buy him a kitten."

"But-"

"BUY him a kitten."

"I'm not gonna-"

"JUST BUY HIM A FUCKING KITTEN!"

"Okay okay! Hm" Deidara went downstairs.

"Mommy, where're you going?"

"Out. Hm"

"Can I come?"

"N- fine... Un"

At the pet store...

"Why are we here?"

"I need to get something... Hm"

"No fish food, Sharky died this morning..."

"Can I help you Ma'am?" A employee asked.

"First, I'm a man. Second, yes, could you show me where the kittens are? Hm"

"Oh, I'm sorry... Certainly, right this way Sir."

"Sharky died." Orphan said again.

"Here are the kittens, Sir. Are you getting one for your daughter?"

"Uh... No... Hm"

"Are you getting Nii-san a kitty?" Orphan asked, tugging on Deidara's cloak.

"Yes..."

"Tell me if you need anything, alright?" The employee walked away.

"Sharky died."

Deidara looked at the kittens.

"Sharky died..."

There were ten kittens, but Deidara thought only three of them Itachi would like. He just had to choose one...

"Sharky died." Orphan said, yet a fifth time.

"Would you like me to get you another fish...? Hm"

"Yes please."

Deidara looked back at the kittens. He had to choose between a Siamese, a Tabby, and a Calico. Then, he noticed a small white kitten sitting in the corner. He poked it and it did nothing. Deidara picked it up and it scratched his face.

"... Hold this. Hm" Deidara handed the kitten to Orphan and got the previous employee.

"Yes, what do you need help with, Sir?"

"I was wondering if this kitten is a boy or girl?"

"I believe it's a male..."

"Okay."

Back at the lair...

"Where's Itachi? Hm"

"Kitchen. Orphan, what is that?"

"My new fish, Lavi!"

Kisame's eye twitched. "Yea..."

Deidara put the kitten's stuff in Itachi's room and went back downstairs. Itachi was sitting on the couch reading, with a plate of graham crackers and a cup of tea beside him. Deidara stepped in front of him.

"Itachi, I have something for you. Hm"

"Hooray..." Itachi put down his book. Deidara handed him the kitten. The kitten purred and licked Itachi's hand. He smiled.

"Whatcha gonna name him, Nii-san?" Orphan asked.

"I'm going to name him Sato."

Deidara shrugged and went to his room. He sat at his desk and held up his hands. "Now what? Hm"

"Get a girlfriend." The right hand said.

"NOT happening! Hm"

"Yes! Try Konan, she'll be practice."

"But I don't wanna girlfriend! Hm"

"But you NEED one!"

"B-but I need one..."

Deidara went downstairs. He peeked into the kitchen. Konan was cooking lunch.

"Okay, now what? Hm"

"Make conversation." The right hand said. Deidara didn't move.

"UGH, help him..."

The left hand yanked Deidara's bangs, causing him to stumble into the kitchen.

"Oh, hi Deidara."

"Hi... Hm"

"Is there something you need?"

"Uh... Need any help with lunch? Hm"

"No, I'm fine."

"Oh..."

His right hand whispered something to him.

"Uh... uh... Erm, one more thing... Babe... Hm"

Konan's eye twitched.

_Babe...?_

"Uh, you, me, dinner at nine... Wh-what do you say... Hot stuff? Un"

_Hot stuff?!_

Konan walked over to Deidara, who was sweating like crazy, and slapped him HARD.

"That's my answer."

Deidara whimpered and ran out of the kitchen.

In Deidara's room... AGAIN...

"You guys give me nothing but grief! I can't write properly, you pull my hair, you made Konan SLAP me! I haven't used the bathroom for hours! I-"

The left hand slapped Deidara.

"Make friends with Tobi!"

"Bite me! Hm"

It did. "You owe us some respect!"

Deidara went outside. "I'm sick of you two! How do I make you shut up?! I'm going to cut you off! Hm"

The left hand grabbed Deidara's neck.

"Ack!"

The right hand joined in. Deidara fell down to the ground, gasping for air.

"Dei! C'mon Dei, wake up! Come on, please, you're killing youself! Please Deidara, wake up!"

Deidara woke up with a start. He had his hands around his neck. He blinked a few times. It was really bright.

_Oh great... I'm in Heaven..._

"Dei, look at me!"

Deidara looked to his right. A very worried Sasori was staring at him.

"D-danna? *cough*"

_Why is my voice so hoarse...?_

"Deidara... I... I don't know what you were dreaming about, but I came in and you were strangling yourself... You wouldn't wake up. I shook you, I did everything..."

Deidara sat up quickly and looked at his hands. "I-it was a dream...? No... A nightmare... Hm" He looked back at Sasori. "I'm okay! Un" He flashed a bright smile.

Sasori's mood didn't change. "I'm going to monitor you for a couple weeks..."

**3\. _The Mission_**

October tenth...

"We have two weeks off from school!" Orphan said as she and Deidara walked in. "I don't know what I did, but Neji always stays ten feet away from me now..."

Konan awkwardly slipped upstairs.

That night...

"Tobi?"

"Yes Nee-chan?"

"What if I never existed? If I was never born?"

"Well, we never would have had you as a part of our family."

"That's not what I mean..."

"Tobi doesn't know what Nee-chan means... Can Nee-chan explain?"

"You know, how it all would be if I was never here. Would things be different? I'm sure Zuki Sensei would have stayed as the teacher. I'm just tired..." Orphan turned over and pulled her blanket over her head.

"Nee-chan..."

The next day...

"Hey, Hidan!"

"What Ka-"

Kakuzu hit Hidan in the face with a rock.

"KAKUZU YOU FU... nny guy! Thanks for the rock and the huge welt on my face!"

"Huh...?"

Hidan walked away. Pein walked to Kisame.

"Where's Itachi?"

"Uhhh, in his room."

"Get your cloak on. You, Itachi, and Orphan are going on a mission."

"Orphan?!"

"Yes, it's a simple mission. She'll learn from it."

Outside...

"_What a beautiful day!_ **The trees are dying.** _What a horrible day!_" Zetsu said.

There was a loud crash and a thud. Zetsu ran over to the sound. There was a window that was shattered, Hidan's window. Zetsu looked at the ground beneath the window and saw Hidan laying there.

"Hi."

"Uhhhhh, hi Hidan... What're you doing?"

"Oh, jumping out of my window... Ya know, for the thrill."

"Oh, yea yea..." Zetsu nodded.

"What's going on with you?"

"Just looking at the trees..."

"Ahh..."

"Hey, Kakuzu."

"What, Itachi?"

"Take care of my kitten while I'm gone."

(Yes, while Deidara was asleep, Itachi got himself a kitten and Orphan got a fish. Who would have thought? But Itachi's cat it female and it's name is Karasu, Orphan's fish's name isn't Lavi, it's Sharingan)

"Why? I don't want to take care of your little brat."

"It wasn't a question."

"And I'm saying _no_."

"Okay. Hey, Hidan?" Itachi walked over to Zetsu and Hidan.

"What?"

"Take care of Karasu while I'm gone, I'll pay you."

Kakuzu spun around. "Wait, WHAT?!"

Hidan nodded, "Sure."

Kakuzu's eye twitched. "You said NOTHING about _**MONEY**_!"

"You missed your chance. Orphan, get your cloak!" Itachi said, going back inside.

"-and pay attention to what Itachi says. Do not do what Kisame says. Keep your cloak on and try not to injure your comrades and keep that paper flower in your hair and don't run with sharp objects and-"

"Konan, I think she gets it. Here's your cloak, Pest. Hm"

"Orphan, come here!"

"Coming Daddy!" Orphan put her cloak on and went to Pein.

"Yes Daddy?"

"Don't get yourself killed, Blossom." He said, hugging her.

"Don't worry, Nii-san will protect me! Um... You... You can let go now... Daddy..."

"Uh, Pein?"

"I DON'T WANT MY BABY GIRL TO GO!"

"Pein, you never told us what our mission was." Kisame said.

"I didnt? I thought I did..." Pein let go of Orphan. "You have to capture a rogue from the Hidden Leaf."

"Why?"

"Because..."

"Because... Why?"

"I have unfinished business to attend to! Now go!"

Kisame, Itachi, and Orphan left the lair.

A few hours later...

"We've been running for hours!"

"Shut up Kisame, I'm the one carrying Orphan."

Just then, there was an explosion and a dust cloud. Itachi and Kisame jumped back. After the dust cleared, Itachi and Kisame could see a man. He had spiky sand-ish colored hair, brown eyes, and black clothes.

"Ah, Akatsuki! I've been expecting you. But... What is that? A little kid?"

"Nothing! She's just another member!" Kisame shouted.

"Oh, really? Just another member, eh? Heheh... Then I guess you wouldn't mind if I..."

In seconds, the guy had gotten Orphan in his grasp and was back where he was standing.

"... Got rid of her?"

Kisame tightened his grip on Samehada. Both Akatsuki men were shocked and angry. The rogue held a kunai to Orphan's throat.

"I'll give you to the count of five to go back from where you came and tell you leader a message. However, if you try to get her instead, she dies."

"N-Nii-san!"

"Grrrr..." Itachi clenched his fists.

"Oh, what's this? The little Uchiha is... Upset? Worried? Angry?"

Itachi glared at the rogue.

"That's right. I know who you are."

"N-Nii-san! H-help me!"

"Oh, and don't even try using your Sharingan on me, it won't work."

Kisame started to run at the guy, but Itachi stopped him.

"If you do that, he'll kill her."

The guy laughed.

"I've grown to fond of the kid..." Kisame said, agreeing.

"I understand."

Kisame and Itachi turned to leave.

"Remember my name! Ryu! Aka Ryu!"

Itachi and Kisame started walking away.

"Nii-san... Pet..." Orphan started crying.

Itachi glanced back at Orphan, tears in his eyes. She gave him a look of complete and utter betrayal and his head quickly turned forward.

"Kisame... Nii-san! Don't leave me, please! NII-SAN!" Orphan screeched, sobbing as the guy tore the paper flower from her hair and started laughing loudly.

* * *

**Please note: I call the black side of Zetsu, Yoropiko. It is easier than calling him KuroZetsu or Black Zetsu. ****I am also addicted to writing Pain's name as 'Pein', I apologize if either of these things are annoying**


	6. Ch6 - New Members?

**I have worked very hard on book one of this series. I really hope you enjoy it! I've actually finished the first book, I've written it all down in notebooks, I just have to type it. I apologize deeply in advance for any mistakes. I've added several OCs to this story as well. The OCs in the chapter are: Orphan(main), Utsukushii(major) Kimuzuashii(major), Aka(minor), Hikari(minor), Rika(minor), Haruhi(minor), Koji(minor), Aku(minor), Two People At The End(minor) ****The characters that belong to Masashi Kishimoto respectively are in fact mostly OOC, meaning Out Of Character**

* * *

_**New Members?**_

"Tobi misses Orphan..." Tobi said, sitting on the floor.

It had been a week since Orphan had been captured, with everyone making plans to get her back. But there was ONE problem...

"There's nothing we can do, we don't know where Aka's lair is. Un" Deidara stated.

"Is Pein STILL sulking?" Kisame asked.

"Yep."

There was a knock at the front door. Itachi answered.

"Sashimi, Koji, Orphan isn't coming out to play today."

"Oh, okay..."

Itachi closed the door. Pein came out to the living room.

"D-do you think she might b-be d-"

"No! Aka knows she's our weakness. So he's probably keeping her alive in case we come after him again." Itachi said.

"Where's Konan?"

"Her bedroom. Un"

There was another knock at the door.

"They sure are persistent..." Itachi said, going to the door. He opened it, "Sashimi, Koji, I thought I- Who are you?!"

"Does it matter? We're comin' in."

Two people pushed past Itachi and went to the livingroom.

"We have so-"

"Hey hey hey, who the fuck are you?!" Hidan shouted.

"I'm someone who's going to kick your ass if you interrupt the lady again, that's who the fuck I am!" The man shouted.

"Seriously, who are you? Un" Deidara asked.

The woman walked up to him. "I'm a little shocked and hurt that you don't remember us, Dei-dei..."

"... Dei-dei? Where have I hea- NO WAY. NO WAY! Un" Deidara stared at the two while everyone else stared at him like he was crazy. "Utsukushii, Kimuzukashii?!"

"It's about damn time." Kimuzukashii huffed.

"Oh, stop being grumpy!" Utsukushii said.

She had pink hair, light blue eyes, see through shades, and a lolipop in her mouth. Kimuzukashii had green hair, yellow eyes, a silver cross-necklace around his neck, and a toothpick in his mouth. Hidan glanced at Kimuzukashii's necklace and let out an inhuman sound.

"Begone! BEGONE! IN THE NAME OF JASHIN, BEGONE!" He yelled, holding up HIS necklace.

Kimuzukashii just rolled his eyes.

"Deidara, who are these people?" Sasori asked.

"... They're... They're friends from Iwagakure... Childhood friends. How did you find the lair? Un"

"Well, it wasn't easy. I can tell you that." Utsukushii said, scratching her head. "We actually came here to tell you that someone was looking for your help."

"Oh really? Un"

"Yea, a little girl. She was really cute. She asked if we could give you a message."

Pein pushed Deidara out of the way. "What is it?!"

Utsukushii and Kimuzukashii turned away from Pein.

"Really?! You're going to be like that?!"

Utsukushii and Kimuzukashii didn't answer.

Pein huffed, "Fine, talk to Deidara."

Utsukushii and Kimuzukashii turned back around to Deidara.

"So, she said that you needed to know where she is. She let Kimuzukashii take her picture, and he wrote down coordinates." Utsukushii said.

Kimuzukashii handed both to Deidara.

Deidara looked them over, "That's her alright... Who's this man? Un"

"Let me see." Itachi took the picture. "That's him. That's Aka."

"Well what are we waiting for?" Pein asked. "Let's go get Orphan!"

"Konan! We're going to get Orphan! Un" Deidara called.

Konan ran down the stairs, slipping her cloak on. "Who are they?" She asked, looking at Kimuzukashii and Utsukushii.

"I'll explain on the way. Un"

"Tobi's not coming." Tobi said.

"_Neither are we._" Zetsu said.

"You're coming, Parsely!" Kimuzukashii said.

"Let's GO." Sasori said, impatientely.

After walking for many hours...

"So, just to be clear, you two were Diedara's childhood friends and you just now reunited and you're the people who found Orphan..." Konan said.

"Well, yes." Utsukushii said.

"Correct in ways, sweetheart." Kimuzukashii said.

Konan frowned, taking that in the wrong way, and slapped him. Kimuzukashii staggered backward, as Konan can hit hard.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"

"You called me 'sweetheart', what the Hell is THAT supposed to mean, eh?!"

"I didn't mean it like that, yeesh I've only just met you! I want an apology!"

"Yea, you owe him one." Utsukushii said. "Ya got some nerve slapping hi-"

Konan slapped Utsukushii, "Shut up!"

Utsukushii would have been totally fine with the slap, if something wasn't missing from her mouth. She looked down at the ground. There it was, all sticky, dirty, nasty, filthy, disgusting, with bugs crawling on it. All in all: INEDIBLE.

"You knocked my lollipop outta my mouth!" Utsukushii slapped Konan.

"It's not important!" Konan slapped Utsukushii.

"Bitch fight." Sasori said.

"IT. WAS BLUE. RASPBERRY!" Utsukushii slapped Konan.

Konan was about to tackle her, but Pein grabbed her and held her back. Kimuzukashii held Utsukushii back.

"Woa woa, Utsukushii, I'M supposed to start fights, not you... And over a lollipop?!"

"It was the last blue raspberry one I had... And it was the same flavor of when-"

"Yea, I know, say no more."

Pein let Konan go, "Konan, calm down, you know you're older than Pinkie."

Utsukushii frowned, then raised an eyebrow, "Pinkie?!"

Konan sighed, "You are right, Pein. I apologize for my behaviour. I got offended over a stupid thing."

"Can we just GOOOO?!" Sasori whined.

"Sure, Dollface." Kimuzukashii said.

They all continued walking.

"C'mon kid, eat the sandwich!" Aka said.

"No!"

"I don't want you to starve!"

"I warn you! I've got a live shark at home and if you so much as touch me again, he'll find you and rip your throat out! And my uncle will rip your head off! And my grandma will rip your lungs out! And my grandpa will rip your heart out! And my Nii-san will break every bone in your body! And my daddy will rip you limb from limb! And then my mommy will blow you up into smithereens and Zetsu will eat your remains! ... Not in that exact order."

"V-vivid thoughts for a six year old..."

"They'll find me! When they do, you're DEAD!" Orphan shouted.

"Just shut up, kid! Just give it up! They'll never f-"

"Give. My. Little. Sister. BACK."

Aka turned around, startled.

"Th-the Akatsuki? No, I won't!"

"So be it."

After a while of fighting...

Sasori sent his Kazekage puppet flying at Aka, weapons out. Aka dodged it.

"Pein, now!" Sasori said.

Pein went for Orphan. Aka grabbed her before Pein could.

"Earth Style, Melodic Spore!"

Tiny spores landed on almost all of the members, and all but four fell to the ground, unable to move.

"Khh, h-he's stronger than expected... Un" Deidara said, on the ground.

_"_Spores won't work on us!_"_ Zetsu and Sasori said.

"Fire Style, Prison of Flames!" Aka said, making the hand signs with one hand.

Instantly, Zetsu and Sasori were in a cage of flame. Kimuzukashii pulled out two guns. Aka held Orphan in the line of fire.

"Tch, I can't shoot without killing her!"

"Wind Style: Spherical Prison!"

A wind sphere formed around Kimuzukashii. Aka turned to Itachi and Utsukushii. Itachi had just finished weaving hand signs,

"Fire Style: Fire Ba-"

"Wanna roast her too?!" Aka shouted, holding Orphan up.

Itachi stopped.

"Heh, Earth Style: Grass Knot!"

Grass wrapped around Itachi's ankles, immobilizing him. Utsukushii pulled out several needles and threw them. Aka moved Orphan in front of them. Her eyes widened as they sunk into her skin, then she went limp. Utsukushii hid a smirk. Aka dropped her to the ground. Pein yelled as Orphan fell, motionless.

"Heh... Wind Style: Breath Taking Cyclone!" AKa shouted.

Utsukushii was surrounded by wind, unable to breathe. Itachi clenched his fists. He looked at the Akatsuki, lying on the ground, unable to move. He looked at Zetsu and Sasori in their fiery prison, the flames just getting hotter and closer to them. He looked at Kimuzukashii and Utsukushii, suffocating. Finally, he looked at Orphan, lying on the ground, motionless. Itachi's eyes narrowed. He was mad. Extremely mad. This man had taken Orphan away, got her hurt, and messed with his friends.

"Uchiha Itachi... Heh, you're not as strong as th-"

Itachi broke the grass around his ankles that was supposed to be 'indestructible'.

"Wh-what?!"

Aka could see that Itachi's sharingan had changed.

"I told you, sharingan won't work on me! Earth Sty-"

Itachi appeared behind Aka and wrapped his arm around his neck. Aka could sense a change in this person. He wasn't like when he captured him in his jutsu. The air was colder, his eyes were darker. His chakra sent chills down his spine. Like he was set to a different mode: KILL.

"Nnngh, heheh... The natural born killer. Poor poor little Uchiha, no one special left in his life..."

Itachi's grip tightened.

"I'm glad the brat's no longer-"

Itachi gave his arm a swift pull and Aka fell down, dead. His jutsus were released. Zetsu helped the Akatsuki to their feet.

"Are you okay, Utsukushii? Un" Deidara asked.

"Yea... Kimuzukashii!" She quickly went over to the coughing man.

"I'm... Okay... Not dead... Yet..." He said, coughing hard.

Itachi picked Orphan up, pulling the needles out of her.

Pein grabbed Utsukushii by the shirt, "How dare you throw needles at her?!"

"I-it made him DROP her, d-didn't it?!"

"Hey! Let the girl go, Peircings!" Kimuzukashii yelled.

Pein growled and let Utsukushii go.

Konan brushed herself off, "Let's go home. Zetsu, dispose of the body."

Zetsu nodded.

Back at the lair, when Orphan was finally conscious...

"C'mon, please? We'll be of great use!"

"Hm. I'll think of it." Pein motioned for Konan and Tobi to follow him.

"Who's turn is it to go shopping?" Kisame asked.

Hidan raised his hand.

"Can we go? Kimuzukashii and I?" Utsukushii asked.

"I would say Hell no, but I have no control over you two." Hidan stated, walking out the door.

At the store...

When the three got in the store, Hidan and Utsukushii both grabbed baskets.

"You shop for the boys, I'll shop for the girls." Utsukushii said.

Hidan made a weird face, "Why? You aren't even part of our organization."

"So? Buh-bye." Utsukushii walked away.

Hidan rolled his eyes and did the same. Kimuzukashii stood there motionless, not knowing if he should buy something, wait for Utsukushii, or follow her. He decided to wait. After all, how long could it take?

As Kimuzukashii was waiting for Utsukushii, two pretty females walked up to him. One had beautiful long light blue hair and green eyes while the other had gorgeous short red hair. She also had green eyes, darker than her friend's. Kimuzukashii didn't care and didn't acknowledge them at all. He didn't particularly care that they were coming closer to him. In fact, he noticed Itachi walk by and wondered what he was doing there.

The two ladies giggled, "Hello! Nice to meet you! I'm Hikari and this is my freind, Rika."

Hikari smiled at Kimuzukashii. Kimuzukashii didn't respond, continuing to watch for Utsukushii. The two girls looked at each other.

"U-um... What's yor name?"

Kimuzukashii looked at them. "Kimuzukashii." He answered.

Hikari smiled. She turned to Rika, "He's really cute!"

Rika silently nodded in agreement. Kimuzukashii went back to paying no attention to them.

Hikari kept talking, "S-so, um, I was wondering if you'd, maybe, I don't know... Come sit and talk with us a bit?"

Kimuzukashii had nothing better to do, so he gave a slight nod. Hikari's face brightened. She and Rika dragged Kimuzukashii over to their table in the food court.

"Sooooo, how old are you?" She asked nervously, hoping she could finally gain a boyfriend.

Kimuzukashii heard the question, but chose to ignore it. Rika didn't really like when people didn't answer quickly, so she repeated Hikari's question. Kimuzukashii figured that they would keep asking, so he answered.

"Twenty-two."

Rika and Hikari smiled and told their ages. Kimuzukashii's jacket was unzipped and all Hikari could stare at was his perfect body. Kimuzukashii noticed her gaze. He was hot anyways, so he took his jacket off and placed it on his lap. Hikari's face turned a light pink. Rika couldn't resist it any longer. It was already too late when Kimuzukashii realized what she was doing. Rika ruffled his hair and giggled.

"It's so soft! I thought it would feel spiky!"

Kimuzukashii looked her in the eyes. She gave him a sincere cute smile. Rika withdrew her hand. Her expression was still gentle and bright. A little girl ran over. She looked like she was related to Rika. Kimuzukashii got the clarification from Hikari.

"This is Rika's little sister, Haruhi." She said, smiling.

Haruhi climbed into Rika's lap, staring at Kimuzukashii.

"Who's that, Rika?" She asked.

"Kimuzukashii. He's a nice man." Rika replied.

Haruhi gave a cute smile. Kimuzukashii had grown tired of these girls, and was now annoyed that Utsukushii wasn't back. It was rude to just leave, and it was obvious they wouldn't take a 'goodbye'... So he stayed. After an hour of listening to the girls, answering a few questions, and nearly falling asleep once or twice, he spotted Utsukushii. He waved her over. Utsukushii happily walked over, dragging the basket along. There were some items and girl clothes, that she had gotten for Konan, Orphan, and herself. She was sipping on coffee, which she got while on her break from shopping.

"Yes Kimuzukashii?"

Hikari glared at Utsukushii breifly. Kimuzukashii stood, draping his jacket over his shoulder.

"I'm sorry ladies, I'm afraid I have to... Go."

Hikari gave a sad look. "Just stay a little longer, please?"

Haruhi pleaded as well.

"No... I really am sorry. Your company was... uh... Pleasant..." Kimuzukashii said, holding Utsukushii's hand, entwining his fingers with hers.

Hikari noticed and her heart skipped a beat. Did he already have a girlfriend? Was she hitting on someone else's man? She forgot to ask if he was single! He was just perfect boyfriend material! He just was so... PERFECT!

"Trying to get a girlfriend?" Utsukushii teased.

Kimuzukashii's grip became tighter. Utsukushii slightly smiled.

"Well, if you don't mind, I really need to get a bit more things..."

Kimuzukashii slowly let go. Utsukushii turned his face to her and kissed his cheek.

"I'll see ya later, have fun!"

She turned and walked away dragging her basket. Kimuzukashii turned back to the females, who were smiling a bit too creepily for his liking...

"Ehhhh... I still have to go, sorry, bye."

He turned and quickly walked away. Once out of sight, he ran to find Hidan, even though the two didn't get along very well. Hikari shrugged, it was at least worth the try.

After thirty minutes, Kimuzukashii and Hidan were waiting for Utsukushii near the checkout.

"Hey, I remember you!" Someone said.

Kimuzukashii and Hidan turned around. Standing there was a man and...

"Koji?" Hidan said, recognizing the boy.

"Hi... This is my uncle, Aku."

Hidan glared at Aku. Aku glared back. Kimuzukashii stared at the both of them.

"If you EVER approach Orphan again, I'll sacrifice you to Jashin!"

"She looked familiar! I used to have a niece that looked like her!"

"Well, she's MY niece, so fuck off!"

"There is a CHILD present!"

"I don't give a shit! I do not give a FLYING FUCK! You stay away from Orphan, asshole!"

Aku frowned and lead Koji away. Hidan let out a heavy sigh, "Hmph..."

Kimuzukashii rubbed the back of his head. Utsukushii walked over after paying.

"Whew! I'm exhausted! And it's gonna be a long walk home!"

"It's not your home yet..."

"Who cares? I don't." Utsukushii smiled in a way that annoyed Hidan.

Itachi walked past.

Hidan frowned, "Itachi, what're you doin' here?"

"Getting stuff for my cat."

"You have a cat?! When did you get a cat?!"

"I've had her for a while now..." He walked out of the store.

Hidan thought for a second. "Oh yea... That cat is annoying..."

The next day...

Itachi lazily turned over and looked at his clock. It was ten thirty AM... He swung his legs over the side of his bed, got up, and groggily headed toward the bathroom. He normally wasn't this tired in the morning. He washed his hands and went down the stairs, going to the kitchen. Hidan was in there, hungrily raiding the fridge. It was the Akatsuki's 'lazy' day, so it was nobody's turn to cook. Utsukushii was at the stove, making french toast. Apparently, she and Kimuzukashii were allowed to stay, much to Hidan's dismay. Itachi walked over to a cupboard and took out his favorite cereal. He poured it into a bowl and added milk. He brought it to the dining room, where Kisame, Deidara, and Kimuzukashii were already eating. He sat next to Kisame.

"Deidara, why do you have those dark circles under your eyes?" Kisame asked.

"Oh, Sasori Danna came into my room at one AM and asked me to help him hunt down a person for a new puppet. I helped... Until FIVE THIRTY AM! We didn't get back until five forty-seven! Un"

Kimuzukashii nodded, "It's true."

"I only got four damn hours of sleep! I'm never helping Sasori hunt down another person for a ne-"

"Hey, Deidara, the person we got last night wasn't as good as I thought he would be, help me again tonight."

"Sure Danna! Un"

Sasori walked out of the dining room. Kisame, Itachi, and Kimuzukashii were staring at the blond haired man.

Deidara frowned, "Don't judge me! Un"

Itachi silently got up and went back to the kitchen. He put his bowl in the sink and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Utsukushii went into the dining room and sat next to Deidara, begining to talk to him in between bites of food. Orphan hopped down the stairs, one by one.

"So... Slee- Uncle Hidan!"

Orphan ran over to the sofa and jumped on Hidan. There was a crack.

"What was that sound...?"

"Nngh, I-I love y-your enthusiasm... B-but I th-think that was the sound of my SPINE snapping in half!"

Orphan got off of him, "What's a spine?"

"A series of vertebrae extending... Uh... Your backbone..."

"Ohhh... Daddy, I broke Uncle Hidan!"

"WHAT?!"

"She didn't break me!" Hidan buried his face back into the cusions. "Go bug Mommy, Uncle Hidan's busy..."

"Okay!"

"What is Hidan doing?" Sasori asked as Orphan skipped past him.

"Making out with the sofa!"

Sasori's gaze followed Orphan as she skipped away, trying to process what he just heard.

"Deidara! Come here!" Pein called.

"Coming! Un" Deidara sighed and went over to Tendou.

"Deidara... I think it's time to give Orphan... 'The talk'..."

"But, she's so young! She's only six! Un"

"I know, but being an Akatsuki member, and with all those other shinobi, she needs to know."

"... I guess I agree. Orphan! Un"

Orphan approached the two men, but cautiously. Last time the both of them called her, they attempted to take her Naruto plushie.

"Yyyyyyeeeeesssss?"

"We need to discuss something important with you. Un"

"'Kay!"

Thirty minutes later...

"Pein! Why is Orphan so wide eyed?" Konan asked.

"We gave her the talk." He answered.

"What?! WHAT TALK?!"

"The Akatsuki one, not the 'where babies come from' one."

"Oh... Thank goodness..." Konan smacked him on the head, "SHE'S TOO YOUNG FOR YOU TO BE TALKING ABO-"

"For the love of Jashin, what the fuck is Orphan rambling about?! What she's saying, six year olds shouldn't even KNOW! She's saying something about a kunai, a heart, an eye, blood, gore, and a banana! And MORE!"

"We gave her the talk! The Akatsuki one!"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU SHE'S ONLY SIX!"

Pein and Deidara ran out of the lair. Orphan sat by Itachi and kept repeating a sentence. Itachi didn't respond. Orphan got annoyed and breathed in deeply.

"NII-SAN I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU!"

"You don't have to yell, Orphan..." Itachi muttered.

"Yes I did, you didn't hear me the first eight times."

Itachi sat up and sighed, "What is your question?"

"Well, Daddy says everyone in the Akatsuki is teamed up with a partner. Mommy has Sasori, Uncle Hidan has Grandpa, Daddy has Grandma, Tobi has Zetsu, Uncle Kimuzukashii has Aunt Utsukushii, and YOU have Kisame! What about me?!" Orphan pouted, looking like she was about to cry. "Why am I being left out? Why am I the only one who doesn't have a teammate?"

Itachi sighed, "You are teamed up with ALL of us."

"... Really?"

"Yup."

"YAAAAAAYYYY!"

Outside the lair, Kakuzu had taken Hidan's weapons.

"KAKUZU! GIVE ME MY WEAPONS!" Hidan yelled.

"No."

"C'mon, give the religious freak his weapons." Kimuzukashii said.

"Shut it, Kimuzukashii! Kakuzu, do what the green haired grouch says!" Hidan shouted.

"No." Kakuzu replied.

"Then give 'em to me." Kimuzukashii said.

"Sure." Kakuzu handed Hidan's scythe and spear to Kimuzukashii and walked away.

Hidan growled, "GIVE THEM BACK YOU ASSHOLE!"

Kimuzukashii shook his head, "Not till you apologize for calling me a green haired grouch."

"NEVER! THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!"

"Later, Freak." Kimuzukashii walked away.

"AAARGH GET BACK HERE!" Hidan followed angrily.

A week later...

"What is it, like, seventy fucking degrees out?!" Hidan shouted.

"Close, it's eighty." Utsukushii said.

"Can I go out and play?" Orphan asked.

"By yourself?" Pein asked.

"It's okay, we gave her the talk. Besides, it's our backyard. Yes, you may. Un"

"Yay!" Orphan threw off her cloak and ran outside.

"Stay on our property!" Pein said as she did.

Orphan skipped around the backyard humming songs the Akatsuki would have no idea what they were. She spotted something shiny on the ground and decided to go toward it. As she did, the bushes rustled. Instead of running inside to get Itachi or Pein, Orphan very quietly walked up to the bushes.

"DIE!" Orphan shouted, leaning over them.

"Aah!" The person fell backwards.

Orphan giggled, "Hi! I'm Orphan!" She said, climbing over the bushes when the guy stood.

"Oh... You're a little girl... Wait, you're th-THE little girl!" The guy backed up.

"That's an awfully big sword ya have... Like Pet's!" Orphan exclaimed.

"S-stay back!"

"Hey, you have sharp teeth!"

"I-I'm not afraid to hurt you!"

"You should be!" Someone yelled.

Hearing the unknown voice, the guy, Suigetsu, looked up. Sasori was standing there, looking ready to kill him. Suigetsu started reaching for his sword, when Itachi and Hidan came into view. Suigetsu thought better of it and retreated.

Later on in the evening...

"Nii-san, can you teach me to play this?"

"Sure..."

Itachi turned on the game system and handed Orphan a controller. There was a knock at the door. Everybody's cloaks and headbands were in their rooms, so Pein just opened the door.

"Uh... Hello... Who are you?"

"Hello. We got back from a mission a week ago. We've been gone from our village about a year because of... Difficulties and such, so the Hokage thought we were dead. When we got back, we went to my wife's brother, but he only had our nephew. We searched the whole village then decided to check else where. We've been checking every house and building and we've made it here."

Pein looked annoyed, "Who, what, WHY?!"

"We're looking for our daughter."

* * *

**Please note: I call the black side of Zetsu, Yoropiko. It is easier than calling him KuroZetsu or Black Zetsu. I am also addicted to writing Pain's name as 'Pein', I apologize if either of these things are annoying. I've also noticed that I go between 'hm' and 'un' for Deidara in previous chapters. I am EXTREMELY sorry about that! I didn't and don't do it on purpose, I did/do it mindlessly! Hopefully, it will not happen again and I will stick to 'un'. But I'm not making any promises :(**


	7. Ch7 - Is This The End? Is This Goodbye?

**I have worked very hard on book one of this series. I really hope you enjoy it! I've actually finished the first book, I've written it all down in notebooks, I just have to type it. I apologize deeply in advance for any mistakes. I've added several OCs to this story as well. The OCs in the chapter are: Orphan(main), Utsukushii(major) Kimuzukashii(major), Koji(minor), Aku(minor), Retasu(minor) Sanda(major) Suna(major), Mori and Rou(one time only) The Killer(minor) Tanoshii(oh hey she appeared again! Very minor though) ****The characters that belong to Masashi Kishimoto respectively are in fact mostly OOC, meaning Out Of Character**

* * *

_**Is This The End? Is This Goodbye?**_

"We're looking for our daughter." The man said.

Pein was silent for a few seconds, then turned into the lair, "Itachi, turn the game off!"

"But I'm teaching-"

"Just turn it off! Tobi, take your sister upstairs!"

"Yes Leader-sama!" Tobi scooped Orphan up and took her to their room as Itachi turned the game consel and television off.

"Come in, sit. Tobi, stay upstairs!"

The two people took Pein's invitation and went in, proceeding to sit on the sofa.

"Who are you, who's your brother, nephew, and daughter?" Pein asked.

"My name is Sandā Arashi and this is my wife, Suna." The man replied, placing a hand of Suna's shoulder. "Suna's brother's name is Akurei Anoda, he prefers Aku. Apparently he has taken in a child named Koji Kihoyi, since he was asigned his godfather if Koji's parents died. He refuses to be called Koji's father, and Koji doesn't want to be his son, so Koji kept his last name and calls Akurei his 'Uncle Aku'. So, he's not technically our nephew, but it was the easiest way to say it."

Pein stared blankly at the white haired man.

Hidan's eye twitched, "A-Aku? K-Koji?"

"You know them?" Suna asked.

"Somewhat..." Hidan muttered.

"Our daughter's name is Yuki. She has white hair like me, and sort of turquoise blue-ish eyes like her mother." Sandā said. "She's six now, because she was born on June twenty-seventh."

"What a coincidence..." Itachi murmured.

"She says hi to practically everyone she meets. She has a very uplifting spirit." Sandā continued.

"I just want my baby back!" Suna added.

"That sounds like Orphan!"

"Tobi, I told you to stay upstairs!" Pein yelled, turning toward him.

"Sorry Leader-sama... But the description fits Orphan almost perfectly!"

"Hey, Grandma, I left my Naruto Plushie in the kit... chen..." Orphan stopped hopping down the stairs.

Sandā and Suna turned around.

"Yuki!" Sandā exclaimed.

"... Daddy..."

Suna got up, ran to Orphan, and picked her up, hugging her tight, "Yuki! You're alive! I was worried sick!"

"It's okay Mommy." Orphan replied, not as excited to see her parents as they were to see her.

"How long have you been here?" Suna asked.

"Almost two years." Orphan answered.

"Two years?! Oh sweetie! My brother must not have taken very good care of you... I'm sorry we were gone so long!"

"These people took care of me."

Suna put Orphan down, "I don't know who you are, but thank-you! Thank-you so much for keeping my baby safe!" She said, turning to Pein.

Itachi and Kisame exchanged glances.

"Wow, just look at her... You've gotten so big!" Sandā said, going toward his daughter. "Well, Yuki, it's time to go home now."

"... Can I at least say goodbye?"

"Of course."

Orphan ran to Pein and hugged him. "Goodbye..."

Next she hugged Kisame, "Goodbye Kisame... You're still my pet! Well... I guess not anymore..."

Kisame gave her a sad smile and pat her head.

Orphan let go and turned to Konan, "Goodbye Konan. Thank-you for teaching me paper folding... And disciplining me when you needed to." she said, hugging her. Then she let go.

Konan nodded slightly and looked away.

"Hidan, even if you have a dirty mouth that should be washed out with soap all the time, you always protected me. Even from my real uncle. That way I knew you cared about me, thanks. Bye..." Orphan hugged him too.

Hidan rubbed his neck, avoiding eye contact. "Tch, yea. Even if it was a pain in the ass sometimes."

Sanda's brow raised at Hidan's language. Orphan giggled and let go, looking toward Tobi.

"Tobi, you were the absolute best! You would always play with me and help me. You are the kind of brother anyone would wish for... Bye-bye."

"Waaaahhhh~! Tobi doesn't want Orphan to goooo~! Tobi loves Orphan!" Tobi ran away up the stairs.

Deidara and Sasori came out of the kitchen, after listening to all that was going on.

Orphan turned to them, "Sasori. I'm going home with my parents. This is goodbye... Thanks for getting Sori back from Zuki Sensei and always standing up for me, even when I was a brat."

"Orphan, you are NOT a brat..." Sasori replied.

Orphan grinned slightly, then walked over and hugged him. Sasori hugged her back. When they let go of each other, Orphan turned to Deidara.

"Deidara, I'm sorry for being such a pest and annoying you. I'm sorry for calling you mommy all the time, I didn't want to offend you... The way your hair went over your eye just reminded me of how my mommy looked the last time I had seen her. But now, you won't have to worry about that. I will no longer be a little pes-"

Deidara picked Orphan up and held her close, "You listen closely, Orphan. I am sorry for calling you a pest. You are the cutest, sweetest angel I could ever have wished for to be in my life. For the times I thought you were being a pest? You weren't just A pest. You were MY pest. And you are my angel... Were... Un" He hugged her tight, then set her down.

Orphan held back tears and went up the stairs, to Kakuzu's room. She knocked.

"Yes? Who is it?"

"... Orphan. I want to say something, Kakuzu."

Kakuzu opened his door, "Kakuzu? Why are you calling me by my-"

"Kakuzu, goodbye. I'm going home."

"What? You are home. Orphan, what are you talking about...?"

Orphan took a deep breath, "My real parents found me, they're alive. So, now I'm going home. And I'm saying goodbye."

"... Wh-what...? But..."

"You can have my money in my drawer, I have a lot in there. I love you." She hugged him, then went to her room. She did a few things upstairs, which took about ten minutes. She hopped down the stairs, ignoring Itachi.

"Alright Yuki, you've taken enough time. We've got to go." Sandā said.

Orphan slowly nodded, "Okay Daddy... Pein, where are Kimuzukashii and Utsukushii?"

"They... They aren't here right now. They went out, remember?" Pein replied.

"Oh yea... Well... Goodbye then. I love you all! Remember that! I love you all so much!"

"We love you too." The Akatsuki said, Kakuzu and Tobi at the top of the stairwell.

Suna picked Orphan up and said goodbye, carrying her out. Sandā thanked the Akatsuki once more, then followed his wife. Zetsu came out of nowhere and the other members filled him in on what had happened. Zetsu was saddened by the news, especially since he didn't get to say goodbye... BUT-

Orphan came running back into the lair and ran into Zetsu,"I'm sorry I forgot you! Goodbye Zetsu, I love you, I'm sorry I was so scared of you, you'd never hurt me on purpose, I know that! I have to go now, buh-bye..." She gave him the biggest, tightest hug she could give, then let go and ran back out, closing the door behind her.

Zetsu was shocked, happy, and sad. Itachi was upset that Orphan never said goodbye to him, but he didn't show it. What he didn't want to hear was the other members groaning and complaining about Orphan being gone, so he went to his quiet, peaceful sanctuary... His room. To his surprise, Orphan's Kurama plush was beside his bed, while there was a box and a card ON the bed. Itachi walked over to his bed and sat, picking up the card. It read:

'Nisan I knew your bye would be harder for me and I would start to cry. Thats why I codnt say anything to you. I know Im already gone by the time you read this. You hav always been there for me. Like the times with Zuki Sense and Aka. You teached me a lot Im happy that you were a part of my life. Im going to live in Kohona now, back with my daddy and mommy. I will always love you you will always be my Nisan.

\- Love Orphan'

Itachi slightly smiled at the mistakes in the card because he thought it was cute. He also notice the water marks on it. Itachi set the card aside and opened the package. Inside was Orphan's Naruto plush.

The next day...

"Did anyone get sleep last night?" Pein asked.

"No..." The others groaned.

"Hey, Danna, what have you got? Un" Deidara asked.

"Sori." Sasori answered, holding up Orphan's rillakuma bear.

"Hidan, it's your turn to go shopping." Pein said. "We should let Orphan's absence ruin our-"

"Not it isn't. Just leave me here to die..." Hidan replied, with his head buried in the couch cusions.

"Hidan, you're IMMORTAL. Get your lazy as-"

"Go away! It's Itachi's turn anyway..."

Pein's eyes dulled and turned to Itachi, who was laying face down on a sofa. "Itach-"

"Shove off."

"Are you crying?"

"No."

"Are you sulking?"

"No."

"Are you tired?"

"No."

"Are you hungry?"

"No." Pein sighed, "Are you _LIVING_?"

"No."

"Go to the store!"

"You just want my spot."

"GO."

"Fine!"

Thirty minutes later, at the store...  
As Itachi was shopping, he kept remembering things that Orphan would say, like 'Nii-san can we get lettuce?' 'Nii-san I need fish food.' 'Nii-san can I have this' and so on. As he was walking down the fruits aisle, he heard a familiar 'Nii-san!' and turned around. There was no one there. Itachi shook his head.

"I can't let this get to me..." He muttered to himself.

Itachi avoided the vegetable aisle though. As he was checking out, the chasier was staring at him. He didn't know why. Then he read her name tag. 'Tanoshii' ... Oh... He thought to himself. He ignored her stares, and stayed silent. After paying, he took his bags and walked out. While he was walking home, Kimuzukashii and Utsukushii caught up to him.

"Oi, didn't expect to meet you halfway toward the lair!" Utsukushii said.

Itachi stayed silent.

"Hey... What's wrong...? Are you okay?"

Itachi nodded slightly.

Kimuzukashii frowned, "No you aren't. What's wrong?"

Itachi sighed.

By the time the three made it to the lair, Itachi had finshed explaining everything that had happened the previous night. Inside, Tobi was trying to get Hidan to move.

"Hidan-san, lunchtime..."

"I'm not hungry."

"Kakuzu-san tripped and hurt himself."

"Ha ha. Go away."

"Hidan-san isn't moving from the couch!" Tobi told Pein.

"Just leave him, we'll try again later."

Later...  
"Hidan I'm going to break your scythe and spear." Kakuzu said, walking up to the sofa.

"Whatever, have fun. Just go away and leave me to die in peace."

Kakuzu sighed, turning to Pein, "He's broken."

A month later...

Utsukushii sighed. It was night time and she was wide awake. Maybe it was because she was bored... Or maybe it was because she had two cups of coffee and a bag of skittles during dinner. Anyway, Utsukushii couldn't take staring up at the cieling anymore.

She sat up, "Pssst... Kimuzukashii... Dei-dei... Wake up... Guys..."

Since Pein hadn't anticipated anymore members, Kimuzukashii and Utsukushii didn't have their own rooms. Since Deidara's room was pretty spacish, until their rooms were added, they shared with him for the time being. Their rooms were still under construction. When the boys didn't stir, Utsukushii got up and walked to Kimuzukashii's bed.

"Kimuzukashii, I know you are a light sleeper. Don't act like you're asleep and ignore me."

Kimuzukashii groaned and sat up, running his fingers through his messy hair. Utsukushii smiled and made her way to Deidara's bed. It was dark, so she couldn't really see, resulting in tripping over an unidentifiable object and landing right on top of the blond. Deidara woke up with a start and gasped.

"Wha-"

"Shhh! We don't want to wake anyone else..." Utsukushii said with a slight hiss.

Deidara sighed in relief, "Thank God it's just you... Why'd you land on me? Un"

"I tripped. But it's a good thing."

"Good...? Un"

"Yea, I was trying to wake you."

Kimuzukashii stood, "Why?"

"Because I need to talk to you guys."

"Umm... Can you get off me? Un"

"Oh, yea." Utsukushii got off Deidara and turned, walking to the door and opening it. She slipped out and quietly headed for downstairs.

Deidara groaned as he got up. He and Kimuzukashii weren't too quiet going downstairs like Utsukushii was. Utsukushii was sitting on the floor by Hidan, who was still laying face first on the sofa. As Kimuzukashii and Deidara were heading to join, Tobi came out of the kitchen and jumped at their presence.

"Tobi? Why are you up? Un"

"Uh-uh... Well, it's hard for Tobi to sleep without Orphan in the room..."

Deidara's eyes twitched. It had been a while since anyone had mentioned her name. Sasori came down the stairs and frowned at the sight of Kimuzukashii, Deidara, Tobi, and Utsukushii.

"What are you four doing down here?"

"Tobi can't sleep!"

"Shhhh! Just come over here and sit." Utsukushii said.

The four males did as she said. Hidan looked up from the couch cusion.

"Okay, seriously... Either tell everyone what's going on or go the fuck back upstairs..."

Utsukushii huffed. "I have to say something. We need to get Orphan back."

Tobi and Deidara gasped. "What?!" They said quietly.

"Ever since she left, things haven't been the same. Hidan is BROKEN for God's sake... He doesn't move from the sofa unless he REALLY has to use the bathroom..."

Hidan sat up, "Oi... We could KILL them."

The other five considered this. "Yea..."

"We could stab them." Hidan suggested.

"Or-" Tobi said, "We could freeze them into cryotubes until exactly twenty-five years from now. By then we would have convicted enough bumblebees to-"

"We could shoot them." Kimuzukashii suggested.

"Or we could tie nooses around their necks which we could tie onto a horse then drag them to an undisclosed area and them beat them to death." Utsukushii said.

Kimuzukashii's brows furrowed as he stared at her. He mouthed the words 'that's dark for you'. Utsukushii considered that and gave a weird, agreeing look.

"We could turn them into puppets." Sasori suggested.

"Or capture them, take them to a remote area and blow them up. It's more artistic that way. Un" Deidara added.

"Or!" Tobi said. "We could throw them off a building!" The others stared at the masked man with dull eyes.

"What you're talking about isn't fair to Orphan."

Hearing the voice, the other's looked toward the stairs. "Ah! Itachi!"

Itachi sighed and walked down, "Orphan's choice was to be with her REAL family. We should be happy for her, since she's happy."

The others grumbled.

"It's five in the morning, go back to bed."

"But-"

"No ifs ands or buts, go to bed."

Sasori got up and went elsewhere as Hidan flopped back down on the couch. Utsukushii, Kimuzukashii, and Deidara huffed and went to their room.

Tobi pouted, "Itachi-san, Tobi doesn't want to sleep alone another night!"

"It's not my problem..." Itachi turned and went back up the stairs to his room.

Meanwhile...

Suna stood and walked out of the room, heading toward Orphan's to check on her. She walked in and over to her bed,

"Sweetie? Are you okay? Do you still feel sick?"

No answer.

"... Yuki?"

Still no answer. Suna pulled the covers off and gasped. To her horror, there were pillows, not her daughter. She quickly ran back to her room and shook Sanda.

"Sandā! SANDĀ!"

"Mnnph, wh-what's wrong?"

"Yuki! She's not there! I-I went to check on her and she's not there!"

Sandā sat up, "Okay, you need to stay calm. Let's get dressed and go to the Hokage."

"Okay... Okay okay..."

After getting dressed, the two Arashis reported their missing child to the Hokage and requested that they be able to look for her outside the gates.

Tsunade frowned slightly, "Why must it be outside the gates? You know that the gates are closed at night and it is HEAVILY guarded. No one gets in, no one goes out. And a child would certainly not be able to get through."

"Yes, but what if someone was able to get in and capture her?" Sandā asked.

"Highly unlikely."

"But to what percentage? Eighty against twenty? Ninety against ten? It's not impossible, so what about the ten percent chance that it happened?"

Tsunade sighed, "If you are not back by tomorrow evening, I will send out Shinobi to search for you. Is that clear?"

"Yes Ma'am!"

"Now go, I hope you find your daughter. I will have others search within the village. And these two will go with you." She added, nodding to two other shinobi. The four nodded and left.

Elsewhere in the village...  
Koji woke up and felt around for Retasu. He wasn't there. Koji shot up, "Retasu?! Retasu! Grrr, he better not have gotten rid of him!"

Koji stood and went out his room, heading down the hall to the livingroom. Aku was sitting, watching TV and drinking sake.

"Uncle Aku!"

"Yes... My boy..."

"Where's Retasu?! What did you do with him?!"

"The... *sniff* The damn MUTT is gone? Heheh, FINALLY! That thing was a nuisance!"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Koji burst into tears. "He was the only one I had who would actually LISTEN TO ME! THE ONLY ONE I HAD WITH ME IN THIS CURSED HOUSE WHO LOVED ME! WHO'D PROTECT ME FROM THE OLD DRUNKEN BASTARD YOU ARE!" Koji yelled, then he turned and ran back to his room. Aku didn't pay him any mind. He was too drunk to even think straight, so he didn't even notice the open window.

Sanda, Suna, and the other two were searching everywhere for Orphan. They were having no luck.

"We should've brought a ninken!"

"No way, my nose is able to smell just like one! Don't worry!"

A bright light blinded Suna and the other shinobi and they tripped over their own feet. They heard laughing.

"Suna-san, can you see?"

"N-no..."

"I c-" Shhnk!

"Mori...?" Suna blinked a couple of times as her vision came back. The other shinobi, Mori, was laying next to her, dead. Suna covered her mouth, "Oh God..." Her eyes widened, "Sandā!"

She stood and ran toward where her husband said he and the other shinobi would be searching. She passed that shinobi's body.

"Oh God oh God... Please dont be dead..." She tripped over something and fell. She looked behind her and Sanda was laying there. "Sandā!"

"S-Suna...?"

"You're alive!" She turned so she was facing him.

"Yea, I thought you were killed..."

"No, but Mori-san was... I saw Rou-san while I was searching for you."

The laughing was heard again.

"Sandā, can you stand?"

"No... Whoever killed Mori-san and Rou-san broke my leg."

Hearing footsteps near, Suna took out a kunai, ready to defend her husband.

"Oh come on Sandā, you're a strong shinobi... I should know." A voice said from the darkness. A male voice. Suna's eyes darted back and forth.

"You know, you really should have pleaded harder. Then you wouldn't be hear today."

"Wh-what...? N-no..."

"Oh yes, it's me. You remember... Don't you? How you just gave up."

"You're still alive..."

"Yes, I am. But you won't be for long. I'm glad you still remember me though. I thought you had forgotten me long long ago."

"No, wait! Ku-" Shnnk! Shnnk!

"... Goodbye..."

A few days later...

"Okay, come on Hidan, we're going for a walk."

"No! I'm staying HERE!"

"Hidan, one walk won't do you any harm! Besides, you need to find a sacrifice for your "god"..."

"Oi! Don't say it like that! And I hate to admit, but you're right..." Hidan stood and went upstairs to get his stuff.

"Hey! Shower first!" Kakuzu shouted after him.

"You're pushin' it 'kuzu!"

After Hidan showered, got dressed and got his weapons, the Zombie Combo headed out. After an hour or so of walking, they came upon a dog who was limping and was dirty.

"Oi Kakuzu... Doesn't that mongrel look familiar?"

"Hmmm... No."

"Well, to me it does. Looks like the green haired kid's dog... Ya know, Orphan's friend? She gave-"

"Oh. That dog. Why is Lettuce all the way over here?"

"I dunno. Maybe the kid's nearby or somethin'."

"I think 'or something' because the dog is dirty and it's limping."

"Hmm..." Hidan bent down. "Heya boy... Why are you out here, huh?"

Retasu turned around and limped away.

"Well, guess he doesn't recognize us. Hidan, where are you going?"

"The mutt wants us to follow him, fucktard! DUH."

Kakuzu sighed and followed Hidan. The two followed Retasu for seven minutes until the dog stopped and sat.

"Hidan, the dog wasn't leading us anywhere."

"Hmmm..."

Hidan refused to believe that and started looking around. He looked through bushes and up in trees. He scanned the whole area. He was about to give up when he came across what Retasu was leading them to.

"Oi! Kakuzu! Look! Over here!"

Kakuzu sighed and went over to the Jashinist. His eyes widened at the sight of what lay before Hidan. It was Orphan. She was dirty, but was still alive. Just unconscious. "How did she get out of Konoha..."

_**Well... That's a mystery that may never be solved... :3**_

A week after finding Orphan...

Itachi walked in and went to Pein. "I completed the task. Orphan will now stay with us."

Tobi ran over, "What was the Task Itachi-san?! Tobi wants to know!"

Itachi sighed, "It was a forged note that I left in Orphan's old home claiming that if anyone sees 'Yuki', not to take her because she is in good care with people whom the parents know."

"Oooh, what people?"

"... Us."

"*gasp* Do they know who we are?!"

"No, they don't know that she's in the care of Akatsuki and we plan to keep it that way."

Konan walked behind Kimuzukashii and Hidan, "Boys. Take Orphan on a walk."

"What? The both of us?"

"Yes, the both of you."

Hidan groaned, "But Konan! We hate each other!"

"NOW."

"Okay..." The two men obeyed Konan and took Orphan on a walk.

After about an hour, they took a break and sat on a bench.

"Uncle Hidan! Uncle Hidan! Look!"

"What is it Orphan?"

"I found a snake!"

"Oh shi-!" Hidan took the snake that was about to bite Orphan and threw it into a tree. "Oi... Being an Uncle is torture... Jashin have mercy..."

A man with long white hair walked over. "Hey Kimuzukashii! Long time no see! How's Utsukushii?"

"Go away Enoki." Kimuzukashii said dryly.

"Aw c'mon! We're friends!"

"Not anymore! Not for a long time!" Kimuzukashii barked, pointing his gun at Enoki.

"W-wait! H-here..." Enoki held up a scroll. "Take it..."

"I don't want it!"

Hidan snatched the scroll away from Enoki, "Now beat it." Enoki ran away.

"Don't open that. Enoki has been tracking Utsukushii and I for a while and the rest isn't important. But his scrolls have flaws." Kimuzukashii stated. Hidan rolled his eyes.

Once they got back to the lair...

_Stupid Grumpy...He can't tell ME what to do!_ Hidan thought. He opened the scroll. His mind fuzzed up. Then, all the original Akatsuki members blacked out.

* * *

**Please note: I call the black side of Zetsu, Yoropiko. It is easier than calling him KuroZetsu or Black Zetsu. ****I am also addicted to writing Pain's name as 'Pein', I apologize if either of these things are annoying**


	8. Ch8 - Fun-sized

**I have worked very hard on book one of this series. I really hope you enjoy it! I've actually finished the first book, I've written it all down in notebooks, I just have to type it. I apologize deeply in advance for any mistakes. I've added several OCs to this story as well. The OCs in the chapter are: Orphan(main), Utsukushii(major) Kimuzukashii(major), Koji(minor), Ren(minor), Kindergarten Class(minor), Mystery Male(minor). ****The characters that belong to Masashi Kishimoto respectively are in fact mostly OOC, meaning Out Of Character**

* * *

_**Fun-sized**_

"What the- everything grew!" Kakuzu shouted.

"No, we shrunk." Sasori said.

"We didn't shrink. Un" Deidara said. "If we had shrunk, Konan wouldn't be flat-chested. Un"

"You mean-"

"We got turned back into kids. Though it is quite clear that we still have knowledge of when we were still adults. Un"

"Why does stuff like this happen to us?!" Kakuzu exclaimed.

Kimuzukashii and Utsukushii walked over to the group of kids. "So, you're awake, huh? It didn't affect us."

"What happened?"

"It was a scroll. Hidan did it. I told him it had flaws."

"Our power level has decreased greatly. Also, we might get some new fears and different personalities. Un" Deidara added.

"Yea, I can tell my Sharingan weakened at a great amount." Itachi said.

"I'm sorry everybody! It was my fault~!" Hidan wailed.

"Like I said, we might get different personalities... I was almost a legal adult and NOW I'm a child again! Un" Deidara shouted.

"Damn, you think you have it bad Deidara? I'm a human again! And I'm too small for Hiruko!" Sasori said.

"That ain't so bad Danna. Un"

"Um, if you don't mind, I'd like to know where Pein is?" Konan asked politely.

"Pouting." Kimuzukashii answered.

"Itachi? What's with that face?" Kisame asked.

Itachi's eye twitched. "Hey, Deidara, how old do you think we are?"

"Well, considering the fact that I am not an infant, we are ALL about five or six. Why? Un"

"... Sasuke... He's older than me... And a lot bigger..." Itachi said quietly. Kisame laughed.

"Hey! Don't laugh at Itachi! That isn't nice!" Hidan said.

Kisame frowned and growled at him. Kimuzukashii's brow raised, "Well, Deidara was right. People have change a lo-"

"Hey! Hey! Kimuzukashii! Will you be my friend?" Sasori asked, with an adorable smile.

"Uhhhh... Suuurrre?"

"Yay! Thank-you!"

Kimuzukashii slowly grabbed Utsukushii's arm, then dragged her out the front door.

"Hey, wait a minute... Where's Orphan?!"

"Calm down Nii-san! I'm up here!" Itachi looked up to the top on the stairwell where the railing was and Orphan waved at him.

"Wait, it didn't affect you either?"

"Nope! Just you guys!"

Pein stomped out of the kitchen, angry as all Hell, frowning and growling. I bet if he was still an adult, he would've looked menacing and scary as shit. But no, he looked adorable.

"Hidan!"

"I said I was sorry~!" Hidan cried.

"It's okay Hidan... Why don't you find something fun to do? Liiiike... Play with this kunai? You like stabbing yourself for some reason." Sasori suggested.

Hidan scrambled backwards, "Ahhh, no! That's dangerous! Take it away! Put it away!" Hidan screeched. Sasori put the kunai down.

Deidara sighed, "And new fears I said... I don't like this at all. Un"

"You wanna be my friend Deidara?" Sasori asked cutely.

"On second thought... I kinda do. Yea! I'll be your friend! Un"

"Let's go upstairs and play!" "Okay! Un" The two boys ran upstairs.

"-and that's why I say, Itachi, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

"I get what you're saying, Kisame... But unless life also provides water and sugar... Your lemonade is gonna suck."

Kisame frowned, "Don't make me hit you." He growled as Utsukushii and Kimuzukashii came back in.

"I'm hungry..." Itachi murmured, ignoring Kisame's threat.

Utsukushii picked him up. "Awwww! You're so adorable!"

"Hey! Put me down! Wait... Is that? Well look who's trying to sneak upstairs!"

Tobi moved quicker.

"Ah ah mister." Utsukushii put Itachi down and grabbed Tobi's hand.

"Tobi's a good boy!" He screeched.

"What's in your other hand?"

"All Tobi has is a paper plate!" He showed it to Utsukushii.

"Alright." She let him go and he ran up the stairs. His mask was too big so he had to make an alternative quickly.

"Hey, Kaki?" Hidan asked.

"Do NOT call me Kaki, Hidan."

"I'm sorry... But, where did you get the money you're holding?"

"This? I got it off Deidara. No big deal..."

"Kaki-"

"Ah!"

"I mean, Kakuzu, it's not nice to take things that aren't yours."

"I don't care. Besides, those two said it was okay." Kakuzu replied, pointing to the two green haired boys that were dancing around.

Hidan frowned. Konan walked over to the green haired children, "Zetsu, Yoropiko, you wanna race?"

"**_Nope._**" The answered in unison.

"Okay... Origami competition then?"

"_**Nope.**_" They kept dancing around.

"Dance-off?"

The two stopped and thought about it. "_Uhh... Sure!_" "**Yea, we'll bite.**"

"I hope not litera-"

-_BANG_\- -_BANG_\- -_BOOM_\- "What is that?" Konan asked. -_BOOM_-

Deidara and Sasori ran downstairs, Tobi close behind. He had on the paper plate, colored orange with drawn on spirals. You could tell it was done pretty fast.

Sasori took a deep breath, "Deidara and I were about to explode a doll when Tobi spilled dye, that we brought, onto Deidara's clay while we were mixing it!"

"Art is an explosion and now explosion is art! Un"

"AND literally eternal beauty since the dye was permanent!"

"Hey guys, I got three questions..." Orphan said, walking over. "Was the doll mine, was the dye mine, who's room did you explode the stuff in?"

"Yes, it was, sorry. Yes, it was, sorry. And, Hidan's room." Sasori answered. Everyone looked at Hidan.

"Oooh, yay! Colors!" He smiled.

Kisame stepped forward. "Wait wait wait! How'd you explode the clay in the first place?"

Deidara answered, "Super heated, with an air pocket inside."

"Oh..."

"I HATE BEING A CHILD!" Pein shouted.

"I'm sorry!" Hidan wailed.

"Why is Konan so happy about being a kid again?" Kisame asked.

"None of your business, Kisame. I'm gonna go get some dango." Itachi said.

The next day...

"Let's have another pool party! It is seventy-five degrees outside." Konan said.

"I'll go buy you guys some swimwear." Utsukushii said, heading to the door. Once she got back, everyone got dressed and went outside. Kimuzukashii turned on the grill and Utsukushii sat by the pool.

"Hey, Itachi, you wanna help me make lemonade?" Kisame asked.

"Sure! Life shall provide the lemons, Itachi Uchiha shall provide the water and sugar!" Itachi replied, laughing.

Kisame growled, "Don't make me hit you."

Deidara jumped into the pool and waited for Sasori to get in. But he didn't. He just stood at the edge, ringing his hands, looking down at the water.

"Huh? What's wrong Danna? Un"

"Well, uh... I can't swim. I don't how. I was never taught how..." Sasori answered meekly.

"Oh... I have an idea! Hey Orphan! Un"

Orphan swam over, "Yea?"

"Could Sasori borrow your floaties and water tube? Un"

"Sure, I'll go get them." She climbed out of the pool and ran inside.

"Itachi! You're putting too many lemons in!" Kisame yelled, as he and Itachi were making lemonade.

"I like lemons!"

"STOP ADDING LEMONS!"

"NO!"

"_Guys! The water balloons are ready!_" Zetsu shouted. Hidan, Yoropiko, Konan, Pein, and Tobi ran over to him. He handed them each a bucket of water balloons.

"_Okay, Yoropiko is on my team. Konan, you're with Hidan and Tobi is with Pein. Ready?_"

"Yea!"

"Yes."

"Yes yes yes!"

"Let's do this!"

"**Let's take 'em out, Zetsu!**" "_Alright, SPLIT!_" The three teams ran separate ways and started planning their attacks.

"YOU RUINED MY LEMONADE YOU JERK!" Kisame shouted, chasing Itachi around the pool.

"No! You ruined my lemons!" Itachi yelled back.

"THEY WEREN'T YOURS ITACHI!"

"Yuh-huh! I bought 'em!"

"Don't fight!" Hidan yelled.

Sasori had finished putting the floaties on and Deidara was helping him into the pool. Sasori shivered when the water touched his skin, then he smiled at Deidara. Orphan tossed the water tube in for Sasori, then ran over to Kimuzukashii to see how long the food would take. Hidan continued to try to get Kisame to stop yelling at Itachi while looking out for water balloons that were thrown at him.

Zetsu climbed a tree to try and spot the other teams. He spotted Pein and threw a water balloon at him. It hit the unsuspecting child right in the face. Tobi gasped, seeing his teammate's soaked face and dripping bangs. Yoropiko laughed, knowing it was Zetsu who got him. After a few minutes of the water balloon fight, Kimuzukashii called everyone to eat.

Kakuzu walked over to Pein and handed him a cup. Pein tasted it's contents and spit it out. "No! I said I wanted a double chocolate caramel latte with two shots of peach and extra whipped cream! You call THIS crap coffee?! Shame on you!" Pein threw the cup and it hit Kisame.

"Rrrrr!"

Kakuzu looked confused, "What did I do wrong?"

Pein just screamed. Kakuzu held out his hand, "That'll be eleventeen thousand yenny."

"Eleventeen is not a number." Deidara informed.

Kisame pushed Pein of his seat, "That'll teach you not to throw coffee!" Pein stood up and went inside to pout.

That night...

"Kisame! Are you out of the bathroom yet?" Utsukushii called.

"Yes!"

"Okay, Sasori, go take a bath."

"Okay Utsukushii-san..." Sasori ran upstairs.

Two blurs shot past Utsukushii. "STOP." She said shortly.

The two boys skidded to a halt and turned around, "Yus?"

"What the...? Why aren't you two in pajamas?!" Utsukushii questioned.

Zetsu and Yoropiko looked at each other, then at Utsukushii. "... ~_**What're clothes good for? Absolutely nothing!**_~ " The two said in a tune, then started dancing around.

Utsukushii sighed, "Go to bed you two."

Thirty minutes later...

"Itachi! Come here please!" Itachi hopped down the stairs, "Yes, Utsukushii-san?"

"People aren't going to bed."

"So? That involves me how?"

"Could you please help me out?"

Itachi sighed, with a slight nod, and hopped back upstairs. He knocked on Kisame's door first.

"Go away!" Kisame shouted.

Itachi instead opened the door and stared at the blue skinned boy.

"Get out!"

"No, go to bed." Itachi said plainly.

"No!"

"Two words... Blue. Sushi."

"Uuhhhh I uhhh, goodnight!" Kisame pulled the covers over his head.

Itachi turned out the light and went to Tobi and Orphan's room.

"Bed time!" Tobi shouted.

"Exactly." Itachi said, before turning off the light and closing the door. He went to Pein's room. "Pein, no more coffee. It's time to sleep."

"No! I want-"

"Do you think you room would look better with red polka-dots?"

"I'm sleeping RIGHT NOW!"

Itachi turned the light off and closed the door, then went to Zetsu and Yorpiko's room. "Zetsu... Yoropiko... Put some clothes on."

"**_No! Dun wanna!_**" The two shouted in unison.

"Five... Four... Three... Two... O- that's better." Itachi said, looking at the boys' light green footies. "Now go to bed."

"**_No! Dun wanna!_**"

"Hmm... I wonder if that flower patch out front should burn..."

"**_Ah! We mean, sweet dreams!_**"

Sasori was particularly hard, since he was the attention seeker. "Friend?" He asked with the cutest smile.

"Whatever, go to bed." Itachi said.

"Tell me a story first."

"Fine. There once was a little red head who got slapped dead for not going to bed. The end..."

"... Never mind stories, sing some songs!"

"Ugh..."

"Please?"

"You're lucky I'm not the one who slapped the little red head dead." Itachi muttered.

"_Please?_"

"Fine. What song."

"Pop goes the weasel!"

"... All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel. Turned out the weasel had a gun- BOOM! Long live the weasel."

Sasori handed Itachi a list of songs, pop goes the weasel was crossed out. He got back in bed. Itachi sighed and looked at the list.

"ABC's? Ugh... G, gummy bears are hugging me. One is red, one is blue, and I see a green one too. Oops I ended all their lives, 'cause a white one had a knife. "

"Switch!"

" The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout. Down came some rain and washed the spider out. Up came the sun, which dried up all the rain, but the itsy bitsy spider had been squashed by Pein. "

"Switch!"

"... Old man Nouka had a farm , A-ma-ter-a-su! Had."

"Switch!"

" Silent night, holy night. Slap you hard, knock out your lights. Keep me here, I'll throw a fit. I guarantee you will get hit. "

"Switch!"

" Hush little red head, this ain't no lie; I'm about to slap you, don't ask why. "

"Switch!"

"... I'll douse your bed with gas-o-li-ine, hahahahaha haha ha ha. I'll light a match and watch it gle-eam, hahahahaha ha -"

"STOP!"

"What?! WHAT?!"

"That's Dei's song! I'll give you one more chance to sing me a NORMAL non-violent song in a REAL sing-song voice instead of flat and monotone before I call Utsukushii!" Sasori said, frowning and crossing his arms.

Itachi sighed, "Fine. ~There is one food that I love, can you guess it's name? Oh! D-A-N-G-O! D-A-N-G-O! D-A-N-G-O!~ Gonna slap you in the face, oh!"

Sasori and Itachi stared at each other a pretty long time. Sasori opened his mouth, "UTSUKUSH-"

"Goodnight!" Itachi slammed the door. "They're all going to sleep." He informed, hopping back down the stairs.

"Mmhmm... Okay..." Utsukushii replied.

"What're you doing?"

"Filling out some paperwork."

"What for?" "You're going to school."

"People will recognize us! ME especially!"

"I'll use a genjustsu. Only those in Akatsuki will see what you truly look like."

"Aaaargh! I don't want to go!"

"Go to bed."

Itachi huffed and stormed upstairs, to his room, and shut the door.

Two days later...

"We're WHAT?!" Kisame shouted.

"You going to Kindergarten with Orphan." Utsukushii said plainly. "I got everyone clothes, backpacks, and other stuff."

"Basically wasting money." Deidara said. "We're not going to stay kids forever, so all the money you spent went down the drain."

"Orphan can use everything when you change back." Utsukushii said.

"YAAAYYY! You're coming to school with me!" Orphan exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Everybody come on!" Kimuzukashii called.

At the school...

"Have a nice day!" Kimuzukashii said, directly at Orphan and maybe Deidara then walked away. Orphan lead everyone to her classroom.

"We have new students joining us for today. Apparently they're Orphan's cousins...?" Ren introduced each member. "Everyone is free for the hour."

Orphan ran over to Koji and Sashimi. "I'm sorry about your parents, Yuki..." Koji said, looking sad.

"It's _Orphan_. It's okay, I get to stay with my other family!" Orphan grinned.

"Hey, Takei, look at THAT kid!" Temi chuckled, walking over to Kakuzu. Takei followed.

"Hi!" Kakuzu greeted.

"Hehe, what's wrong with you mouth, huh?" Temi sneered, pointing at the stitches.

"Huh?" Kakuzu looked confused.

"Hah! And your eyes look weird!"

"Don't they look like watermelon?!" Kakuzu said, grinning.

"This kid is stupid..." Temi said to Takei. "Let's test him." Takei said. "What's five plus six?"

"Eleventeen." Kakuzu answered simply.

"HA! That's not a number!" Both bullies exclaimed.

"Well, he got the eleven part right!" Deidara said, walking over. "If YOU TWO are so smart, tell me what seven times nine is!"

Temi and Takei looked at each other, then back at the blond, "Uhh... It's none of your business, girly!"

"I'm a BOY!" Deidara shouted.

"Huh? What'd you say sissy?"

Deidara made a weird noise and ran away. Temi smirked, "Heh. Now, you freaky dolt." He turned back to Kakuzu, "Why are you so-"

"Is there a problem here, boys?" Kisame asked, coming up behind Kakuzu.

Temi made a weird face, "Huh. We have a question for you, fish-face."

Kisame's eye twitched.

"Why's this kid so stupid? You seem to know him."

"... You know how some children get dropped on their heads when they're little?" Kisame asked.

Tears welled up in Kakuzu's eyes.

Temi snickered, "Yea."

Kisame pat Kakuzu on the head. Temi laughed and Takei backed away.

"You two were obviously thrown really hard at a wall. Nothing's wrong with Kakuzu. Compared to you, he's a genius." Kisame growled.

Temi gasped.

"Don't sell stuff to my friend, cuz you'll buy it back from ME later. C'mon Kakuzu." Kisame and Kakuzu walked over to Misa instead.

A light brunette walked up to Itachi, "Hi, whatcha doin'?"

"Uhhh..."

"Why're you just standing there?"

"Um... No reason..." Itachi replied.

The girl giggled, "My name's Kairi. What's yours?"

"I-Itachi."

"Nice to meet you Itachi! You're cute!"

"Hehe, um, thanks... Do you like dango?"

"What's that?" Kairi asked.

"I have some, I'll share some with you at lunch."

"Cool!"

Ren was looking through some papers on his desk when he noticed Hidan standing there, staring at him. "Ah! H-how long have you been standing there?"

"Since I came." Hidan answered.

"Do you need something?"

Hidan shook his head no, "Well, those two were being mean to Kaki and Deidara, but Kisame dealt with it. BUT, he has anger issues and I know he's plotting revenge on them. His revenge isn't pretty..."

"Thank-you for telling me. Temi, Takei, go stand out in the hall until I say."

Temi grumbled and as he and Takei walked past Hidan, he said "Little rat..." Hidan, of course, apologized.

Pein took out a large canister from his backpack, catching Ren's eye. "Uh, hey, it's not lunch time yet." He informed.

Pein shrugged it off, "Don't care. This is more important than life."

"Um... What is it?"

"COFFEE." Pein replied, then started chugging like a madman.

Later, back at the lair...

"Pein, you're chugging your fifth cani- uh..."

"Hello." An unknown woman greeted.

"Who is that?!" Pein shouted.

"She's an old friend of mine. Her name is Tsuyoichi." Utsukushii answered.

Tsuyoichi had on a black sleeveless shirt, black skintight shorts with a purple and black half-skirt, and eye patch and golden yellow eye, green hair in twintails, and fair skin with a beauty mark under her right eye.

Kimuzukashii froze. "I thought you were dead, Tsuyoichi!" He exclaimed.

Tsuyoichi ran her fingers through her hair, "Well... I'm not."

"Is that your girlfriend?" Deidara asked.

"No, my twin sister." Kimuzukashii answered.

"YOU HAVE A SISTER?!"

"And an older brother..."

"Utsukushii, she's NOT staying!" Pein shouted.

"I can describe her in two words." Utsukushii said.

"I don't care! I'M the leader of this oranization, not YOU! You can't invite random people left and right!"

"Pein, calm dow-"

"NO Konan! Just because I'm small doesn't mean you're in charge! I am! I think if YOU suppose you can make rules and decisions over MY say so, you have to be kicked out!"

"Pein-"

"NO! In fact, I think execution is in order!"

"Too much caffiene..." Deidara whispered to Sasori, who nodded in agreement.

"I'll have mercy this time, you can stay. BUT SHE LEA-"

"Caffiene Goddess." Utsukushii said plainly.

"I have a GREAT idea! Since she's Grumpy's sister, she should stay a little while. At LEAST." Pein walked away.

Tsuyoichi approached her twin, "Hey, Kimuzukashii..."

"What?"

"You and Utsukushii sure got busy." Tsuyoichi said with a sly grin.

"EH?! They aren't our children! It was a jutsu done by Enoki! Utsukushii and I aren't even dating! These are our teammates who are all actually adults except Orphan! The jutsu changed their personalities!"

"Yeesh, chill little brother. I was kiddin' with you."

Two hours later...

"Are you done yet?!" Kisame yelled, banging on the bathroom door.

"I JUST got in here!" Tsuyoichi replied from the other side.

"Hurry up! I need to use the toilet, lady!"

"You're quite rude! Wait your turn!"

Now Kisame was mad. "WHY?! What do YOU need a bathroom for?! You're just a female cyclops with green hair!"

"Uncool!"

Pein approached Utsukushii, who was reading. "*Ahemn*"

Utsukushii closed her book and looked at Pein.

"Um... You remember how two hours ago I yelled at you?"

"Yea."

"We're all good, right?"

"No." Utsukushii went back to reading.

"Tcht... I'll go... Get... Some... Coffee, yea..." Pein walked away.

Three weeks later...

There was a knock on the lair door. Deidara, who was still a child, opened it. Tsuyoichi stepped in, pulling a blindfolded person in with her. The took the blindfold off. He had light green eyes and long white hair.

"Enoki!" Kimuzukashii and Utsukushii growled.

"Ah! My fr-"

"Release the jutsu!"

"Hah? What juts-"

Kimuzukashii cocked one of his guns.

"Okay okay!" Enoki released his jutsu. The original Akatsuki members fainted. "No one will remember any encounter they had with those that were affected." Enoki sighed.

"Even my class?" Orphan asked.

Enoki shrugged, "If they met them while they were affected, your class won't remember."

"What about me?" "If you were around with the jutsu took affect, you'll remember."

Tsuyoichi blindfolded Enoki again, "See ya!" She took Enoki away.

The next day...

"_I'm so glad we're conjoined again, Yoropiko!_ **Yea, me too.** _Really?_ **Mn, I can keep track of you.**"

Kisame grinned, "Hey, Kakuzu!"

"What?"

"... _Eleventeen_..."

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed and he whacked Kisame on the head. Kisame laughed and walked away.

Itachi sat next to Orphan on the sofa, "Hey... Orphan? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure!" "Ever since your parents took you back, you've seemed uneasy... Why?"

"Well... I didn't know Mommy and Daddy were alive. But then they were killed for real, and I know they're really strong. I was thinking that if they were gone so long and still came back, who could have killed them? Taken them off guard? That means he found out... And found them... It's only a matter of time before-..."

"Before what? Who's 'he'?"

"Nothing, no one..."

Three days later...

"Pein, where are my-"

"Don't know, going shopping. Orphan!"

Halfway to Konoha...

"Daddy?"

"Hm?"

"Why do we shop at Konoha?"

"Because. I like their shops."

"Oh..." Orphan looked around as they were noticed something move in the forest and stopped, staring to see better. Her eyes widened and she nearly had a heart attack. She certainly began having a panic attack though. She tugged on Pein's shirt continuously, "Daddy Daddy Daddy..." She said, breathing quickly, and heavily.

"What?"

"We need to go home... Now..."

"Why, do you need to pee?"

"No, wee need to go home... Take me home... I wanna go home!"

"Did you-"

"NOW!"

Pein had never seen or heard Orphan so urgent before, so he took her home.

As soon as they got home, Orphan loocked all the windows and doors. She ran to Itachi, who was sittng on the sofa, reading. She got on his lap, put his arms around her causing him to drop his book, pulled her knees to her chest so she was a tight ball, and squeezed her eyes shut.

"She's trembling." Itachi said, with a worried look toward Pein.

A few minutes of silence went by, then there was three loud knocks on the door. Orphan started shaking her head vigorously. "No, no! He followed me, I knew he would! How'd he find me?! No!"

Pein grabbed the door handle, unlocking the top lock.

"No, don't! Don't open the door, please!" Orphan cried.

"Pein! Orphan says you shouldn't!" Itachi called.

There was another knock, only louder and with more force. "NO!" Orphan was covering her ears, with tears and snot running down her face.

Pein opened the door, he hadn't heard Itachi. Orphan turned and hugged Itachi tightly. On the porch stood a white haired male, with light blue-ish/turquoise eyes, and a black headband on his forehead. His hair resembled Itachi's, only it was shoulder length, and he looked to be a teenager or young adult.

"May I come in?"

Pein frowned, "Uhh..."

"No no no..." Orphan was still trembling.

Pein shook his head slowly, so the guy disappeared and appeared in the livingroom, right in front of Itachi and Orphan. Itachi had his sharingan activated, and Pein hurried to the livingroom. The others in there pulled out weapons. The male ignored them.

"Hello..."

Orphan hugged Itachi tighter.

"... Yuki."

* * *

**Please note: I call the black side of Zetsu, Yoropiko. It is easier than calling him KuroZetsu or Black Zetsu. I am also addicted to writing Pain's name as 'Pein', I apologize if either of these things are annoying. I'm SO sorry that it has almost been a year since my last update! I've been so busy and I hadn't even realized it'd been that long!**


End file.
